Weight loss, Excuses and Why I am so Hungry.

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    Why do we do these things to ourselves? It never fails that when it comes down to our weight, we never really work to keep it under control. We eat things we shouldn’t. We feel guilty for eating it, and then we torture ourselves as we head back for seconds on something else that should avoid our faces. Here’s the rub, not the spicy one you like on your steaks, but it is now time to wear something nice, and it doesn’t fit. So what do you do; a crash diet.

    I went one worse, I went to see an Asian herbalist. Please, if you are drinking something, this is where you may need to put the cup down. I am going to make you cry.

    I walk in and he tells me I remember your face. He mispronounces my name and calls me “Charille.” I am okay, he is Asian. Then he asks me to weigh in. He gives me the tsk…tsk…and asks the hard question, “Charille, why do you think you are fat?” I start my litany of excuses while he is shaking his head. He then, very loudly tells me, “Charille, you are fat because you eat too much.” I balk. My eyebrows shoot up and he is still saying something to my face, because my ears had stopped listening at “you are fat because you eat too much.” He points to his temple, “Charille, you must change the way you think.” He then asks me to say it with him, “Say it Charille, I’m fat because I eat too much.”

    So there I am feeling like a dejected 12 year old talking to an Asian man, who is making me a concoction to make me poop out fat and I said it. “I am fat because I eat too much.” Three days into this weight loss excursion, I am so hungry. I am down five pounds, but I fit into my swimsuits and took out a few pairs of peddle pushers, that in 3 more days are going to fit nicely. I took out that dress, that five months ago, I looked as if I were five months pregnant. This roller coaster ride with my weight; it’s my fault, I know it is. I am here partly because I have been in a dark place for the past two years. I was eating my way through my grief.

    But the other part of doing this to myself, and you do it to yourself, because we are lazy. Now, I cannot eat except in three to six hour blocks. I am home all weekend so I am cleaning and doing little things around that house that I let get out of hand because I was usually watching a movie and eating something else to make my ass spread. My house is clean, the laundry is folded, dinner is prepared and I am so hungry.

    I am hydrated. My colon is being cleansed. I have lost some weight, but I must get back to something very critical to this conversation between us. I am fat because I eat too much. That is a powerful statement. So here I sit, with a very large container of water, nothing to snack on, and a minute with myself. There are no more excuses. I love my body, but would love it even more minus the extra pounds.

I have no more excuses.

I am hungry because I have been eating too much and I have to retrain my body to need fewer calories.

I am empowered to make some changes.

I am fat because I eat too much.

I have downloaded a hypnosis app to aid me on my quest.

I have no more excuses.

I am going on vacation and I will blog my way through my Central American vacation and keep you posted.

You know, I was just thinking that maybe you should step away from the snacks and join me on my quest to a healthier body.

That’s Pretty Fancy

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    I am headed out to vacation. I have gone to see the Asian herbalist so that I do not look beached when I put on my whale sized swimsuit. The plan has changed my timelines, so I have time on my hands waiting for my next feeding. I am so hungry I can barely function. I will not give up so I started to look at what I was taking on vacation.

    I decided early on that I was not going to buy a great number of clothing, but find a way to repurpose some items that I already have with some adjustments. That was the plan until I walked into Walmart and saw this simple beauty for $16. I know right, standard black dress, below the knee, perfect for a night out, but it is blah! Here’s the beauty of this dress and that room I have full of stuff. I have time, I have stuff, I also have this black dress. So with some iron on fancy dancies and some steam, here is the same dress.

I KNOW! I now have an After 6 dinner dress for less than $20.

Now I am looking through my closet what else do I have to make really cute.

Here is a blah skirt, in a lovely color and a plain white tee shirt picked up from Wallyworld for $4.97. I was still in my room looking for something, because I am hungry as hell and still have two hours to go before I can eat lunch.

I added some iron on appliques that I picked up from JoAnn’s. A little bit of ironing, and I have a matching ensemble. I know, really cute and just for pennies.

I am ready for Shuffle board on the Lido deck with Julie.

Maybe if I can continue this diet thing, I may actually get something done.

You Just Got Served!

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It was a long day my friends, so I popped into my friendly neighborhood bar and grille for some libation and something on which to nosh. I came face to face with Joe A. Customer; the standing “A” for abnormally large, pulsing hemorrhoid. I must tell you, as a customer, I know I’m not always right, but what happens when a customer is totally wrong?
    Well, here begins the story of Joe A, who began his evening being inappropriate with his young, busty waitress. Her look of disgust was evident to all who looked on, but did not seem to faze our overly friendly Joe. The waitress, being a smart little cookie, swapped tables with a strapping young man. Joe was not happy and began to migrate into a class” A” duodenum. The wait staff was not happy. The customers were not happy. The waitress scratched her ass, and then fondled his food.
    I saw it. The couple next to us saw it as well. Joe, did not because he was busy flapping his lips because he could no longer flirt with something half his age. She had no interest in your tawdry advances. The waitress had no interest in you. Here’s the irony. The ass you wanted to touch, you ended up eating. I wonder if it tastes like crow? Joe, you just got served your just desserts for being a jerk.
    If you are going to go through life being a grade “A” assmunch, then be smart enough not to anger the people serving you food. I know I should have said something to her about Karma, how life is reciprocal, and what we give out, comes back to us. I saved the words to the waitress because maybe all of those things were now being applied to Joe.     

 Be nice to your wait staff and tip them with cash. If you tip them with your credit card the bar owner takes a piece. But most importantly, act as if your mother taught you some manners.

Irony and Stupid T-Shirts

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Yesterday, I had the pleasure of taking the annual bus shopping trip to one of those outlet malls. It is always a blast, but I mainly go to hang out with friends, have a decadent lunch, and not have to drive. After so many hours, you take your cache to the bus, seal it in your labeled garbage bag and go back to empty your bank account. However, this time, the bus was not where it was supposed to be. I found the bus but it was blocked in by some self-promoted rapper named Nap-Boy. Our bus driver is upset, our people are upset and I’m thinking, what is the big deal? I sent a tweet to the address on the side of the van, and then I called the number. Here is the beauty of it all, I went back inside the shopping center, took a seat with my Dipping Dots treat, and watched the people pass by. There were a ridiculous number of people wearing T-shirts with stupid sayings on them. Ironically, the rapper that was boxing in our bus, also had a stupid shirt, and he walked right up to me. He, of course, wanted to sell me one of his CD’s. I made a contribution on the condition that he moves his van.

    I know I took the long way around on this one, but here’s the point. Out of thousands of people in the shopping outlet in Charlotte, I was able to find one person. Why, because he was wearing a stupid shirt; luckily his shirt matched his van.

He wasn’t the only adult wearing one of those silly shirts. As I sat there, I saw a beer bellied fella pass by in this gem.
I was really tempted to ask what his daughter looked like, to see if it was actually a concern. His daughter showed up. Sadly, Daddy, you can put the gun away. She will be home with you on prom night. I know it’s mean, but I started to chuckle.

Our next wonderful shirt was worn by a Goth kid with green hair. He was also wearing piercings in is eyebrows, his nose, his lip, his jaw, and those big tribal ear circles in his lobes. I laughed when I saw the shirt. The irony, people probably beat the crap out of him his whole life; especially looking as he did. He probably became a Goth when his parents stopped paying for his self-defense classes.

This t-shirt was worn by a young black man who was sporting this shirt in green. He also had on green shoes, a plaid green outer shirt and some green underpants. I saw the underpants because his pants were well below his butt. The young lady at his side walked along with pride that this gem wearing fashion risk was her man. Question, was she one of the wayward ho’s?

The more I sat there, the more people I saw wearing tees with sometimes inappropriate if not downright offensive imprints.


After about a half hour, I had to get up and move, because people were starting to wonder why I was laughing. I could not snap photos, but I did find most of the shirts on a website. I became more tickled as my friend joined me and she saw one that made her laugh even harder. It was a T shirt of the Ass Family and each of the family members also had on the same shirt. Who was the Smart Ass who came up with the idea to wear these out in public?

The irony of it all was wasted on the wearers. Individuals who wear these shirts are probably doing so to get noticed or get some attention. The attention you are getting is not for the funny sayings on your shirt, it is because the reader is processing the whole thought. The thought adorning your boobies, beer belly and bird chest is only the beginning.

One lady stopped and asked why we were laughing. I told her honestly, if you only knew what I was just thinking…..

I’ll Buy That for a Dollar!

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Next June will mark my 22nd wedding anniversary. Hubby and I are planning a really cool vacation and I plan to fully enjoy myself without cumbersome worries of how are we going to eat when we get back from this lovely little trip. I have begun to save large chunks which mean there is little room left for play money. I thereby had to put myself on a cash diet. I can only use my credit card or debit card for emergencies. This past week I have truly learned the value of a dollar. I have also learned that there are something’s that I will not buy, not even for a dollar!

As I previously stated in one of my early post, I have begun to coupon. I am now a step below extreme couponing and hovering around extreme value shopping. I have become, what I consider, to be very clever. I am recycling everything from pieces of left over roast, which are transformed into taco night, or in this weather, a hearty stew. The stews are great to also use up the leftover peas and carrots in the fridge. I am even stocking up the pantry and deep freezer. Let me tell you how.

As I was leaving the house to start my bargain shopping, I noticed the planters on the front porch needed fall plants. Normally, by this time, I would have added some Mums, but I wanted to stretch what I have until it is time to put in the Icicle Pansies. I head over to my friendly neighborhood Lowes. Instead of shopping in the front, I head to the rear of the garden center to THAT rack. Yes, the rack of shelves with sad, lonely, and deserted plants. I have found the ones on the ends are the healthiest and easy to revive. I picked up two hanging Tahitian Bridal Veils for $1 each. They need to be repotted so next I head to Roses. Instead of purchasing the name brand bags of potting soil for five bucks, I opt for the local no name bags for $1. Hey, it’s dirt. I am going to add some plant food when I repot them anyway. Now it’s time to get really busy.

I am headed to the buy one get one sale at Food Lion. I have already added the sale coupons to my MVP card buy downloading the digital coupons to my frequent shopper cards. The hard copy of manufacturer coupons in hand, I have a $1 off of two boxes of Cheerios, which just happen to be on sale for buy one get one. Armed with my sale ad in hand, I pick up bags of chicken breast, shrimp, Doritos, and a large 39 oz container of coffee. I save $1 on the coffee, which I purchased for $7.99. I am on a roll. I purchased high end ice cream at buy one get one along with high end butter crackers. Zesta Whole Wheat Crackers at buy one get one box is great deal; grabbed two of those.

I load up the mama mobile and make my way to Kroger. They are having a ten for $10 sale. Here, you have to be very careful. Last week, the same store brand vegetables I got for $.88 per bag are now in the 10 for ten sale; this is not good friends. I did pick and choose which items were a good deal for a buck, but Lipton Rice mixes are a dollar anyway, so this is not really a good buy. Staples purchased, I now have my local independent grocer’s ad, or the local IGA. These stores are great for pantry items. There is a five for $5 sale going on so I stock up on two pounds bags of rice, hot sauce, ketchup can goods and dry beans. I also grab a ten pound bag of chicken leg quarters for $6. I do have a freezer safe bags in the trunk for my cold items. These wonderful bags keep food cold for 3 hours.

My last stop is to the local Bakery outlet. Tuesday and Friday’s at the John Derst bakery outlet has bread on sale for $.79. Wheat bread, cinnamon raisin bread, Kaiser Hamburger buns and hot dog rolls are all for $.79; with no buying limits. I have found that you can freeze bread for up to 3 months and when you defrost, it is good as new.

    My pantry is stocked. My fridge and freezer is full and my bank account is not empty. I have a full tank of gas, my hair is done, and I have a few bucks left in my working account for just in cases. I did all of this today, including my hair, for a mere $160.00. It’s okay, you can say, “ooohhhh!” I know I did.

    I must close out now because my new issue of All You arrived in the mail. The cover says there are $94.55 worth of coupons inside. I have work to do.