Month: June 2012

Hollywood, You Need to do Better!

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I admit it! I was excited! I could not wait to see Prometheus. I get my nachos, my Coke and take a seat. The fanfare begins on the screen and I am ready, and the movie begins. The Scottish countryside is regal and I am drawn into the story. Then something weird happens, the entire cast is hit with a case of dumbassness.

The story fast forwards two years to a very old Mr. Weylund, whom I can only assume is some relative of the Mr. Weylund in Alien vs Predator. The timeline is hinky. I am confused.

This story is the future, Alien vs Predator was in the present. The original Aliens movie was in the future. I don’t know what is going on. The computer graphics is cool, the concept is odd. These gigantic people are supposedly the creators of human kind. They also engineer these snakelike creatures as a weapon of mass destruction to do what, kill all the humans they created on Earth?

If you have not seen the movie, please stop reading here because I am about to spoil it for you.

So, Doctor Idiot Number One finds some cave drawings in Scotland. She shows Doctor Dumbass Number Two, who has gotten funding from Mr. Weylund to head into deep space to search for these “engineers” of mankind. They find them in a several space ships on a forlorn planet X Number of light years away. They go into the space ship and the air is breathable and they remove their helmets. What the hell is that about? You are an alien planet, in an alien spaceship that has been closed from circulating air for what, two thousand damned years?

They find video of these gigantic people running from something on one of the space ships. They find an alien head, and take it back to their ship to dissect it. The head explodes. Two members get separated from the rest of the crew (predictable). They find a stack of dead alien bodies and a room of black oil covering the floor. In the oil are little snake like things. Dumb Ass Number one decides to play with it. Big whoop, it attacks him, breaks his arm, climbs in his suit, then in his mouth. You see him three scenes later with his ass bent over his head like a backwards frog trying to get into the ship. Yes, they open the door to let him in, and he kills many of the crew. If these gigantic people are killed by these creatures, what do you plan to do puny humans?

This is just stupid. So many of the decision made in the movie are stupid; a big budget, over scripted, pile of stupid. Doctor Dumbass Number Two gets infected has a snake like thing in his eye, and he tells no one. You just had sex with Doctor Idiot Number One and you KNOW you have infected her. She is now pregnant with alien baby. Doctor Idiot Number Two’s body is taken over and he is turning into a monster. He is screaming and she wants to take him back onto the ship. I am with the Charlize Theron character, “he ain’t coming up in here!” Really? Really? What kind of screwed up logic is this? Hollywood, you need to do better.

I will not even start on Snow White and the Duntsman. I will not get started on the over acted dry melodrama of Sherlock Holmes. It is even sadder when the best movie of late has been The Avengers with the unlikely hero of the Hulk. I give up. I want to see a good movie with a real storyline.

Hollywood, it is time to do better.


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Happy Father’s Day

Childhood Relived

Like a lot of people, next Sunday I’ll be honoring my dear ol’ dad – perhaps in the form of a Home Depot gift card.  Because nothing says “thank you for life, love and shelter” like new electrical outlet covers.

But being that I was partially raised by a 1981 television set, I can’t forget to pay tribute to the other dads in my life — my TV dads.  So the question is, what do you get for the men who have everything?  Boisterous laugh tracks?   Top Nielsen ratings?  A chance to appear on Hollywood Squares?  Here are a few more tangible items:

1)      Fred Sanford, Sandord & Sons — a storage shed.  You need to face your illness, Dad.  You’re a hoarder.  And you’re a cantankerous old fart who’s managed to survive 2,384 heart attacks.  Your health is obviously fragile so let’s pack away some…

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What a Week!

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I have resigned.  Friday showed up and reminded me how futile my efforts were with Monday’s negotiations.  Tuesday was caught in the ladies room talking about my lack of productivity.  Wednesday was asking why I even bothered to show up. Thursday and I are no longer on speaking terms, and I asked the boss if I could move my workstation elsewhere when Friday sauntered in the door. Did I mention that Saturday and I broke up?

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Great article…..

The Road I Travel

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                There are times in life when you stop, stand and scrunch your face while wondering where in the bleep you are going. Some days and ways along my journey, I have asked myself am I where I am supposed to be.  Today, I received a confirmation that I am.

                It is that time in the quarter where we are hitting the end of the course and students begin to turn in their final projects. One of my favorite classes to teach is Contemporary Literature. At the end of each quarter, I have the students to write a five page short story in any genre as their final. This short story covers the elements of literature and is presented in a reader’s theater format. 

I take great pleasure in introducing each student as if they are authors at a writer’s conference. The class treats each classmate as if they are fans of the student’s work, and each student reads a five minute excerpt from their short stories.

Today I was humbled by what I was getting back from the students. I wasn’t certain if I was actually getting through, or if they even understood the concepts. I am floored by what I have heard and even more pleased with what I am reading.

The road I travel is filled with words.  I take with me words to make me feel great, words to express my joy, words to express victory.  I have some new words that I expressed today and those words are happiness and elation. I am both of these words because today, I know without any uncertainty, that I am where I am supposed to be.

I am an educator.

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Landless Drifter

Whenever I pause for a moment to watch the sunset, I imagine the The Little Prince in Antoine de Saint-Exupery‘s well-loved book moving his chair to the end of his little planet to watch a sunset, moving it again to watch another one, moving it as many times as he wants to see as many sunsets as he needs.

The little prince said: “One day, I saw the sunset forty-four times!”
And he added: “You know–one loves the sunset, when one is so sad . . .”
“Were you so sad, then?” I asked, “on the day of the forty-four sunsets?”
But the little prince made no reply. 

When I was a kid, I tried to avoid sunsets. I sheltered myself whenever I see the end of the day coming. I didn’t want to see the saffron sky and be deafened by the seemingly dawning silence. Sunsets used to move…

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Weight loss, Excuses and Why I am so Hungry.

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    Why do we do these things to ourselves? It never fails that when it comes down to our weight, we never really work to keep it under control. We eat things we shouldn’t. We feel guilty for eating it, and then we torture ourselves as we head back for seconds on something else that should avoid our faces. Here’s the rub, not the spicy one you like on your steaks, but it is now time to wear something nice, and it doesn’t fit. So what do you do; a crash diet.

    I went one worse, I went to see an Asian herbalist. Please, if you are drinking something, this is where you may need to put the cup down. I am going to make you cry.

    I walk in and he tells me I remember your face. He mispronounces my name and calls me “Charille.” I am okay, he is Asian. Then he asks me to weigh in. He gives me the tsk…tsk…and asks the hard question, “Charille, why do you think you are fat?” I start my litany of excuses while he is shaking his head. He then, very loudly tells me, “Charille, you are fat because you eat too much.” I balk. My eyebrows shoot up and he is still saying something to my face, because my ears had stopped listening at “you are fat because you eat too much.” He points to his temple, “Charille, you must change the way you think.” He then asks me to say it with him, “Say it Charille, I’m fat because I eat too much.”

    So there I am feeling like a dejected 12 year old talking to an Asian man, who is making me a concoction to make me poop out fat and I said it. “I am fat because I eat too much.” Three days into this weight loss excursion, I am so hungry. I am down five pounds, but I fit into my swimsuits and took out a few pairs of peddle pushers, that in 3 more days are going to fit nicely. I took out that dress, that five months ago, I looked as if I were five months pregnant. This roller coaster ride with my weight; it’s my fault, I know it is. I am here partly because I have been in a dark place for the past two years. I was eating my way through my grief.

    But the other part of doing this to myself, and you do it to yourself, because we are lazy. Now, I cannot eat except in three to six hour blocks. I am home all weekend so I am cleaning and doing little things around that house that I let get out of hand because I was usually watching a movie and eating something else to make my ass spread. My house is clean, the laundry is folded, dinner is prepared and I am so hungry.

    I am hydrated. My colon is being cleansed. I have lost some weight, but I must get back to something very critical to this conversation between us. I am fat because I eat too much. That is a powerful statement. So here I sit, with a very large container of water, nothing to snack on, and a minute with myself. There are no more excuses. I love my body, but would love it even more minus the extra pounds.

I have no more excuses.

I am hungry because I have been eating too much and I have to retrain my body to need fewer calories.

I am empowered to make some changes.

I am fat because I eat too much.

I have downloaded a hypnosis app to aid me on my quest.

I have no more excuses.


I am going on vacation and I will blog my way through my Central American vacation and keep you posted.

You know, I was just thinking that maybe you should step away from the snacks and join me on my quest to a healthier body.