eating
What I’m Watching: Ugly Delicious
NETFLIX: Traveling the world with his friends, award-winning chef David Chang discovers exciting twists on iconic dishes and surprising links between cultures.
As a self-proclaimed Foodie, not a refined palate or anything, I just like to frickin’ eat. I saw this Chef on the Daily Show and finally got around to watching an episode that resonated in my belly. It was Episode Five, The Fried Chicken Episode where David Change traveled the world visiting, speaking with and eating loads to fried chicken.
It’s rare that you can watch a documentary and really learn something. Here is a quick history lesson which coincides with women’s history month. Black women were some of the first entrepreneurs having small businesses cooking, what else chicken. The only live stock blacks or negros could own were chickens, the old yard bird. In order to make more money for feed and seed, on Sunday’s the women sold fried chicken dinners.
Black women also worked the train stations, selling fried chicken dinners to travelers in need of a home cooked Southern meal.
Restaurants throughout the south catered to the black family who wanted a meal outside of the home after church on Sunday, which led to the Green Book: The Negro Traveler’s Guide.
Green Book for Negro Travelers
Not to digress to much, let me come back to Chef Chang. The documentary on fried chicken covers a great deal of information, but also how well the yard bird is loved world wide. It is pretty good show, and worth a binge watch on Netflix.
I think I enjoyed the most his recounting his first taste of Nashville Hot Chicken. Once you watch it, come back and share with me how hilarious you found his story.
Great tips for Everyday living.
How awesome is this? Great tips for making your kitchen life easy. Who says there is nothing worthwhile on Facebook?
Today’s Writing Exercise in the WTF Land.
I would be one starving ass if this is what it takes to catch some dinner.
Nope.
#nope.
N.O.P.E.
Things You Must Do To Be Happier
So I am trolling the internet newsfeeds and FB feeds and I came across this article dated February 4 by Daniel Ryan Adler on Starting Today You Can Be the Happiest Person If You Pick Up These Habits.. I was intrigued and thought I would read the article.
In general, I am a happy person, mainly, because I am too stupid to worry about things in which I have no control. The other reason I am happy is because I can see things as they are and laugh at the absurdity of it all. So please forgive me Mr. Adler, I did thoroughly enjoy your article, but being who I am, I am going to enjoy it even more once I make some adjustments.
I do like your positive start, “I think of myself as the happiest person whenever I walk into a room, and most people notice my smile right away. Here are 20 ways you can find yourself as happy as I am.”
My first thought, his doctor gave him some good sh*t. If I up my happy pills, I can be the happiest son of a gun in the room too. Follow it up with a glass of Chenin Blanc, you would have to pull me off the chandelier. So I am going to follow your list, but add my own versions of what you are seeing.
1. Let it go.
If you are sitting down making lists on how to manage your life, this is probably the first thing you need to let go. Life is about living not sitting at home making lists about sh*t you know you shouldn’t be doing anyway.
2. Be kind.
Go ahead and tell your best friend LaQueeda that she should not wear that dress because even on the savannah, that zebra print dress would confuse the hell out anything and anyone. Be kind, tell her it perplexes you just watching her ass move in it, and she should never wear it again. In the long run, when she starts speaking to you again, it will be okay.
3. Think of your problems as challenges.
You know you don’t have all of the rent today, and honestly, you ain’t going to have it tomorrow either. BUT, in two days, when Pookie comes back, you will have the rest. Go ahead and give them what you have, say you will pay the late fee, and bring the rest when Pookie hooks you up. You have just challenged yourself and succeeded. Look at you grow.
4. Express gratitude.
The next time you call your sister and she launches into that long winded rant about her ailments and maladies, yell in the phone, “Thank God you are alive one more day to complain about it. I know some people who are dead today. Go ahead, if you don’t believe me, pick up the obituary. See, dead folks…ain’t you grateful?” I bet she feels a whole lot better about her gout.
5. Dream big.
Yeah, that one. Don’t be scared. Walk up to that big ball of sexiness and let them know lucky they are. If you weren’t already taken, you would ride them so hard you would scramble their molecules. And because you are scientifically inclined, you can separate the DNA and rebuild them to be even sexier. GO hard or GO home is my motto.
6. Speak well of others.
Don’t be shy, tell your boss that you are very happy that Ellen got the promotion; it wasn’t your turn. You can even let him now that since she separated her eyebrows, her confidence is way up. Way to go Ellen!
7. Be in the now.
Put down the cell phone and yell across the gym at random people, “I am unfriending you now in person, I will do it again when I finish on the treadmill. But then I will use my phone!” Who says your communication skills are not what they used to be, everyone in the room heard you.
8. Do not compare yourself to others.
There is absolutely no point. Her boobs are bigger and will sag way before yours do. And so what if you gained a little weight, at least you aren’t STILL single. It doesn’t matter if you had a cheeseburger and fries for lunch. Rhona had a twizzle stick, a craisin, and a bottle of water. Yeah, she may be a size 4, but she is hungry as F*ck and single. Let her gnaw on that while she is dreaming her pillow is a marshmallow. Oh yeah, she is sleeping alone, because she is single.
9. Realize you don’t need others’ approval.
Of course you don’t need anyone’s approval. HOWEVER, Dan in accounting said you look really hot in the green dress. Go ahead, wear it every other Thursday when you know he is coming to your floor for the bi-weekly conference call. Why not? You look hot, Dan said so. Nice Dan. Sweet Dan. You’re going to scramble Dan’s molecules on the second date.
10. Be honest.
Okay, I got bored with Mr. Adler’s post at this point and this is when I decided to tear it apart. I feel better. Don’t you? Let’s continue shall we?
11. Take time to listen.
What? I’m sorry, I looked up and your lips were moving. Were you talking to me? Why you getting all mad? I heard half of it. See. See. That’s what I mean. You are so hard to communicate with….arrggh!
12. Accept what can’t be changed.
Dammit, you know Scandal is on, why are you still talking to me? arrrggh!
13. Read daily selections from a book of wisdom.
Okay. Open Twitter Feed.
Dory @ltsDoryBitch Mar 19
these are stronger than most people’s relationships pic.twitter.com/ckrUYBSiRv
(hit reply–insert good one-lol—now retweet. Wisdom shared. Good for me.)
Fat Amy @fatamypost Mar 19
Me after running up the stairs 😩 pic.twitter.com/xcISqTPKEY
Great! now that song is stuck in my head. Reply to @fatamypost BOOO! Now retweet to screw up someone else’s day by making them sing that song….I got time while she got freedom…..and when a heart breaks, no it don’t break, no it don’t break even…
14. Travel at least two weeks of the year.
This does not mean you Kobe Bryant; you still have to dribble.
15. Catch yourself before negativity starts.
You know you don’t need that cookie, but dammit, if you are going to eat it, be happy about it. There are children all over the world wishing they had a cookie, and you do. If you are going to buy it, the eat the hell out it! Go ahead, Nom Nom Nom
16. Dress well.
Go to the local old folks clothing store and buy yourself a pair of the fun, funky pants. I think you will look cute in them.
That cross is in her butt crack.
17. Enjoy sadness.
I saw an episode of the Walking Dead. Screw that! You can’t get any sadder than that crap, and I will tell you right here and now, I did not enjoy it. Not at all. keep your sadness to yourself Mr. Happy Pants.
18. Eat well.
Food taste better with people you like. Don’t be a zombie and eat the people, just find a way to get the girls or guys over to break bread and talk some trash.
19. Keep in touch with your friends and family.
Do Facebook posts count? I sent a text the other day with a happy face.
20. Be alone.
It’s 2 in the morning and I am at my computer, but really, is anyone, ever really alone. Even as I reach the end of this post, you are here. Therefore, I am not alone.
I feel happier though.
I’m Laughing Because it is Funny
Sometimes, when I am sitting alone in my writing lab, playing with my unicorn Sparkles, things seem funny to me. I write the funny scenario into a scene and crack up laughing. It is uncertain if at times it is actually amusing, or my visualization of the even makes it even more comical to me.
I saw an image of a spirit beneath a well on someone’s Facebook post, and I toyed with idea, what if someone was actually able to catch that spirit. If you catch the spirit, then the entity will grant your heart’s desire. However, what if what you want, isn’t actually what your heart is craving. What if you make the wish and get it all wrong?
I wrote Beneath the Well of Dawn and played with that idea. What if you wished for a really good looking guy, but he was dumb as a box of crayons or if you wished for someone who was a good conversationalist, but was too unattractive to look at?
In Beneath the Well of Dawn, Faynell encounters many bad choices, but one is sitting at her table, who meets the next door neighbor, Zeke, who is more than just a pest in the main character’s eyes.
The interaction, makes me laugh, because I think it is funny.
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She began to hum a tune as she cracked eggs and set the bacon to sizzling. Mike had a wonderful tenor voice that he used to join in with her on the song. He filled the coffee carafe with water as he made the coffee, found the plates to set the table, and even laid out the silver ware. He grabbed small glasses from the cupboard and 
poured them both some orange juice. When everything was done, he took her hand into his, and blessed the food. She liked this Mike. Well, at least she did until she saw him eat.
The slack in his lip created an issue with holding the food in his mouth and each time his teeth came together to masticate the food, some would slide out the hanging lip. Several times he slurped, drawing the eggs back into his face. It sounded even worse than it looked. In a last ditch effort not to lose her own breakfast, she dropped her head as she ate so she would not have to look at him.
Just her luck, after breakfast Zeke decided to stop in and check on her. The backdoor was open and he knocked on the screen door yelling, “Coming in, Faye!” and stepped inside.
He took one look at Mike and did an about-face while saying, “And heading back out!”
It took everything in her not to laugh at him, but it was difficult as Zeke also pulled up the back door, going over to the window and peering through the curtains, his brown eyes darting back and forth like he had seen a ghost. He pointed at Mike with his mouth moving, “What the f….”
“Good morning, Zeke, is there something you need?”
“Me! Shit, is it something you need?” He was still pointing at Mike through the curtain, his head bobbing left and right behind the billowing window covering while he kept blinking trying to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. “Faye, come outside for minute, let me holla at you.”
She waved Zeke away, but when she returned to the kitchen, she could still see his darting eyes over the rim of the windowsill peering into the house. Faynell was outdone with her neighbor as she jerked open the back door heading outside. “You should be ashamed of yourself, Zeke Bennett, Ms. Annie did not raise you to act this way.”
Zeke didn’t hear a word she said, he was peeking over her shoulder trying to see into the window. Faynell pinched him. “Get a grip on yourself before you hurt his feelings.”
“You ought to be more concerned with who hurt his face!”
Faynell pinched him again. “I don’t care how many times you pinch me, Faynell. Mr. The Hills Got Eyes is still inside your house. Is he staying the night?”
“That is none of your business, Zeke,” she told him as she pushed him towards his own house.
“It is my business if you come up missing! Hey, Faye, see if you can make a copy of his driver’s license and put it on the back porch. You know, in case you come up missing. Ain’t no way in hell my description to the police won’t get me locked away in the looney bin, trying to describe that ugly son of a bi….”
“Go home, Zeke!”
He had bent over in the yard, his hands on his knees laughing. “Hey, Girl, you know that scene in your favorite movie when Shug meets Miss Celie for the first time?”
“GO HOME, ZEKE!”
She left him in the back yard, his laughter echoing in her ears.
Mike came back into the kitchen. “Is he an ex or something?”
“No, Mike, he is just the asshole that lives next door. More coffee?”
And with that, they sat down to work.
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Read the whole story on Kindle, on Amazon. Evidently, these people found it funny as well.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Olivia Gaines Author 
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