television

I Can’t Find the Remote!

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Tired, aching and full of fever, the bed had become a two day prison. At the start of day three, very pleased that the fever had broken, I was still weakened and not too anxious to move about. As I returned from the kitchen after retrieving a fresh glass of Gatorade, I hit the power button for the television. Looking to my left and to my right, I did not physically see the remote. The television was on TNT. I began to whine that I could not find the remote. I was stuck watching this channel for six hours which included two episode of The Closer and back to back showings of Rizzoli & Isles. I then began to think, was my inability to find the remote an allegory to how many of us were living our lives? Were we stuck watching a fake reality because we were too lazy to get up, physically look for something that can help you change the channel that your life was also stuck in?

    In our youth, we loved to tune into MTV and watch the latest videos, see the fashion and learn the dance moves. These iconic symbols were our models for how to dress, who to date, where to be seen and who to emulate. MTV has now changed and is full of reality television shows that have spawned the like of new young starlets named Snookie. This is also the channel that brought you Beavis & Butthead.  In the new millinia, these characters are now named The Situation and Mickey D. Somebody hand me the remote so I can change this channel because I have outgrown MTV. The same can also be said for the sister channels of VH1, E!, and BET.

    As mature adults we attempt to change the channel to CBS but there are only so many CSI shows one can tolerate along with death. CBS reminds us that are lives can be taken away by any random nut job that wants to be a serial killer or has the ability to brandish a weapon. Please help me find the remote; I don’t want to be this close to my own mortality.

    The other side of our adult hood likes to have fun, and we want to watch fun things, so we grab our remotes and tune into NBC. They have an Office full of schmucks, a television show at 30 Rockefeller Center that is full of hams who act like schmucks and fairy tales with Grimm endings. NBC is entertaining. We can leave the channel stationary for a while because here we feel sociable. We can talk about the episodes with our friends. We are connected, we are in the loop. Not really, these people on these shows are not your real friends, you are acting loopy, find the remote and find an adult channel and get in sync!

    On occasion, when our bodies and minds feel out of sync and we feel mentally loopy, we change to the Lifetime channel. Somebody is killing their husband, having the neighbor’s baby and somebody is going to die or get revenge. Either way, by the end of the movie you are in tears. An emotional cleansing that makes you feel better about the life you are really only half living. The tears aren’t really for the character on the show; they are for you, and your sad life. Remember when you used to be cool and people wanted to hang out with you? Change the damned channel already!

    In the end, it doesn’t matter which channel you are watching, the fact remains that you are sedentary. Get your butt up, get a book, start a blog, or just do something! If you can’t find the remote, then good, it may be a sign from the universe that it is time to stop watching television and become active in your community. Happy New Year and here is to a Happy New You!


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What a Great Show!

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It is mid-season and on comes the mid-season replacements! Say Yeah! As you are well aware, Grey’s Anatomy was a mid-season replacement and look how well that did. It is my sincere hope that some of the hype of the earlier Fall shows that have been a grave disappointment will be removed from the televisionverse. NBC is planning to stand strong with a mid-season addition of the The Firm and a nice late edition and one of my favorites Grimm. The Firm is based off the movie with Tom Cruise and of course the latter is based on Grimm Fairy Tales with a twist. However with the addition of something new, something old has to go. The first on my list to be cut is that insipid Terra Nova. Are you hearing me Fox?

    However, I have been pleasantly surprised by some alternative programming on some of the other channels. The geniuses at AMC, who brought you Mad Men, have come back strong this season with a wonderful period piece, Hell on Wheels. It has cowboys, it has Indians, and it has moguls, madmen, and developing civilization. There are union workers and a coalition of Free Men who are fighting for the right to be called men after liberation by President Lincoln. It has intrigued, murder, romance and conniving women. Whew, that is a good show!

    AMC also has the Walking Dead, but hey, it’s about Zombies. If you are going to watch a show with half dead people feeding on other humans, please turn over to the SyFy channel for an episode of Being Human. You see, a ghost, a werewolf and a vampire all move in together and no, it is not the start of a bad joke. She’s dead, killed by her boyfriend and doomed to haunt the house the boyfriend is unable to rent. The werewolf has some issues and the end of each month and the vampire stopped feeding on humans. Together, they have become a weird, dysfunctional family that actually loves and support one another. I am not sure how it is all going to work out in the season considering the ghost lady let something malevolent into the house. It is going to be a fight for survival, but it is understood that in the end, they all just want get along and be loved.  I am now imagining greater.

Even greater, SyFy has also acquired Lost Girl. We meet Bo, a succubus that is a cop, wandering between her human life and the life of a Fae. I know right?  I can’t wait to check this one out next month.

    I am even more excited because in January we can welcome the return of that damned American Idol, but we can also return of something fresh. The Food Network understands fresh and beefed up their programming with The Next Iron Chef. Those smart aleck Chefs who sit behind a desk a critique other people’s food have been put to the test. This show is really exciting because those arrogant over paid chefs have been cut down to bite sized pieces. The one chef they thought would be gone first is actually standing up and is going against Jeffrey Zacharian. Now that is a good show! I also learned a new way to work with lamb and make sausage.


It just gets better folks, Game of Thrones will return in April and True Blood returns in June, featuring Chris Meloni of Law & Order SVU fame.

Exciting! Now that, is going to be a show!

My Idiotbox in Broken

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….. and I want the network executives to fix it, now!

It is understandable that the summer programming season for television is rife with reality television because it is cheaper to produce. However, there are some of us that look forward to the Fall programming season to see what new adventures we will get to experience. We are introduced to new characters who remind us that our lives may not be so bad after all. We are taken to exotic locations, far off space stations and into suburban homes with people who aren’t much different than us. We even enjoy those that are very different than us and we can commiserate, emulate, or just feel empathy for the current plight. The plight I am empathizing with commiserating with is my own. I am disappointed, let down and feel somewhat betrayed. Allow me to tell you what I am thinking and why I feel this way.


Here is my first big disappointment. Seven minutes into this show I was angry. The whole family was a bunch of rule breakers, starting with choosing to have the extra child, punching the officer, going to prison, the prison break out aided by the wife, the weird closet baby who wanders off to feed a dinosaur, the overly smart strange daughter and the dumb ass son. You have traveled back in time and you decide to be a tough guy and go outside the gate where there are animals that EAT you. Why? To be a rule breaker like your dear old dad. Not impressed, rather angry, I am going to more episodes, then if it does not become more logical in the evolvement, then they have lost a viewer.

Then there is The New Girl who pulled the old bait and switch. It lured us in with the hope of the comedic stylings of Damon Wayans Jr and then this week, we were treated to generic black guy. He wasn’t even funny.


Then I tuned in to Fringe. I don’t know what the frick is going on there. Somehow or other there is a rooftop in Boston that has an elevator that separates the time warp shifty thingy between the two universes. Really, all I have to do is take the Purple elevator up to floor number 1999 and ask for Prince?


It doesn’t stop here. I was excited to watch Law & Order SVU and found myself saying oh, great, it’s another rape case. This week, it is an old white guy that likes to rape young boys that he coaches. Isn’t that the same story we saw on Criminal Minds with Derek? It’s not even an original rape. I feel like the Special Victim here and to add insult to injury, you know that Stabler is leaving right?


There is nothing left, but pay tv. I must pay to be an idiot and have my home box entertain me. I have not been disappointed thus far. Free television is a statement of you get what you pay for, and that is nothing. I do have HBO and Showtime because I must spend time with my favorite serial killer that only kills bad people. Dexter premiers this Sunday and I cannot wait. It is enough of a fix to tide me over to January when the Game of Thrones start again.


 

Well, it is off to be tortured with Xfactor until Criminal Minds brings on someone that is about to be killed.