What does it take to make those individuals with no censors listen up? I can admit in the 80’s I had no Gaydar and flirted with a few fellas that were not interested in my type. I have even made some financial decisions of buying a great pair of shoes over eating. However, where is that invisible line that you do not cross that aids you in tuning in and listening up?
Yesterday, I was dressed for success and headed to a very important meeting. I was looking like this with a tailored suit. I was sharp. I was focused. I was about to make a few power moves.
However, my new cash diet requires that I pay for my gas with cash. I get out of the car at the local BP, and I hear a cat call. Who still does that? Then Mr. Oooh Hoo, Oh Baby Baby, had the audacity, the pomposity, the unmitigated gall, to ask me if I was married. I turned around to see what rude man was yelling at me, and this is what I see! Really? Seriously?
One, I was hurt that as good as I looked, that this was all I could get? Damn. I’m devastated.
Second, what was there about me that made this fool think he had a chance?
And last but not least, what clue did you miss that made you feel froggy and want to jump at the chance?
Get a clue!
Men and women, please, if someone is not looking at you, please don’t yell at them to get their attention. If you know for a fact, that you are highly unattractive, stop making a pest of yourself with people of the opposite sex, that you know you are never going to get. It is just sad.
I am confused why the fellas that sell bootleg DVD‘s in the parking lot of Wal-Mart are always quick to try to pick up a date. Although your entrepreneurial spirit is admired, dude, you are selling illegal merchandise in the parking lot of Wal-Mart! You don’t need a date, you need a lawyer! You are a criminal. And secondly, yelling at women with children, “I got that Puss in Boots” is kind of tacky. I saw three women want to slap him.
It’s not just these situations that individuals need to get a clue. I am going to list some other areas that may require individuals to make a few mental adjustments.
- If you are living in an apartment and are planning a $10k wedding, maybe that money should be used as a down payment on a house or condo. Why start your life together in debt for cake and a DJ?
- If you are making payments on $40k car and are renting the furniture in your rented apartment, get a clue, and use it. You don’t even have a garage to park that car in.
- If she slept with you on the first date, then it is highly unlikely that she is going to be faithful in your relationship.
- If he has to call his Mama to discuss every problem that you have, then maybe he’s just not that into you.
- If her Mama has keys to your place, you may as well move out.
- If she is dressed to the nines, with hair and nails always done, then she is probably not managing her money well. This does not apply if she is making bank. If she is yelling welcome to “Arby’s” or “Welcome to Moe‘s,” the initial statement stands.
- If his phone goes off all day and night, then I’m sure, his homies aren’t the only one texting him.
- If her favorite shows are reality based centering around a great deal of drama, then she probably lives her life the same way; with a great deal of drama.
- If he is a sports fanatic, then please expect to lose him on Sunday evenings to the game. You knew this, give him his space or learn about football.
And last but not least, our number ten and last thought that was rattling around in my head,
- What you did to get them in your life, is what you have to continue to do, to keep them. If you only pretended to like basketball to get a date with him, then I advise you to invest in a Jersey to wear on game days. If you swore you loved Opera and the ballet, let’s hope you have cleaned your dinner jacket.
We all have moments to dumbness, however, life gives you several annotations throughout the day. I call them clues. Next time one pops into your line of sight, please grab it, and put it to good use.
I often chuckle when I hear my friends and colleagues boasts about being a grown woman, then I am more amused when I watch them make immature decisions. I watch them make choices that are bad for their personal well-being an the moment, and choices that are bad for their future. The stresses of life and emotional loneliness can be contributing factors to bad decision making.
I am often asked, what should I do— and as a grown woman, I have learned to sit and listen, and realize that my friends thought process, do not neccessarily equate to me to interjecting mine. What works for me, may not work for you, so here is my advice to the many women who often ask me the same question, as well as my advice to all who read this post.
If you are at a crossroads in your life, sit down in the middle of the street and make a list of where you have been, and where you would like to go. As simple as it may seem, for some, just sitting still long enough to write a list –is an issue. However, you can not fully understand where you are trying to go, until you have identified, label, misnomer, or assigned the wrong psychological principle, to what you will soon learn to call– bull puckey.
That is what it is,bullpuckey— it is all the crap that you have convinced yourself is important, that in actuality has no real relevance in your life. It is the proverbial time on the treadmill where you are running inside of the the little cage which you have boxed yourself in, that you are NOW calling a fulfilling life. If you have not poured yourself a cup of tea, sat down with a good book or your favorite magazine without the tv on, to just read for 30 minutes, then how you are getting on in your life, well it is bull puckey!
If you have not or can not remember what you like to do for fun that is not associated with your husband or children, then how you are living needs to be reevaluated. If you can not remember the last time you and a girl friend sat down and had a two-hour lunch talking about nothing….and realized it was the best conversation you have had in a long time, then stop.
Put down the laptop, get off of Facebook, and sign out of your Twitter account. Get up off your butt and plug back into life. Decide in the next week what you would like to do to better yourself that can be done in incremental steps, and make a plan. I will start you off with some suggestions. You want to know why, because I am happy. Not in the moment, not for a reason, but because it is the way that I am living. I grew into my happiness and I want to help you grow into yours.
Here are my suggestions for the month of April 2010.
First we will start by getting you organized, to get the clutter out of your life. I know, you have a Blackberry or some other gadget you are paying too much money for and don’t really know how to use. Let’s first simplify with www.cozi.com and get everything in one place.
I also want you to start thinking about your summer vacation for the family and for you and your man (yes your man, and if that is not what you call him or how you think of him, we will address that in June) .
For the family, you can save some money, give back to America and help the planet all in one. http://www.thedailygreen.com/environmental-news/latest/eco-travel-volunteer-vacations-50022309.
Then plan a quiet get away for you and your man with www.cruises-4-free.com.
Tody is the day you take the first step to grow into your happiness. I check back with you in a month and see how you are doing.
All my best,
I am often asked how have you managed to say married for so long? My answer is very simple; I let my husband be who he is.
I have been married for 20 years with one child who is now in college. Over the years we have had our bumps and hiccups and our struggles for power. One day my husband told me, you can be in charge of whatever it is you do in your office, but in this house, you are wife and mother. Yep, go ahead, catch your breath, because I know I did. My first reaction was to get up cross the room, and knock the taste out of his mouth. But I stopped and considered his words.
I took his words to heart and in year 3, I concentrated on being his wife and the mother to my child. When he walks in the door from work, I greet him with a kiss, and now that we are empty nesters, sometimes skimpy lingerie. Dinner is on the table when he walks in the door whether I have cooked it, or ordered out. There are always leftovers in the fridge, a sweet dessert or something yummy to snack on. When he is watching tv, I leave him alone and let him enjoy his show. And you know what….he does the same for me.
The mortgage is paid on time, my car is road ready anytime I need to make a trip, and if I want to shop, he will give me what I need. During dinner we have conversations about life, world events, and about each other. He nurtures my need to change the world and allows me the freedom to do just that while I support him in being my man and taking care of our family.
We often hear the phrase let a man be a man, but often misconstrue it as giving a man free reign to sow his wild oats. Letting a man be a man to me, means making sure he feels wanted and needed. Because in the end, everyone want to be needed, but a man needs to be wanted.
I know some of you will disagree, but if you have not been married longer than I have then save your comments. And just in case you are wondering, I have a masters and PhD that he paid for.