Friday night, as I watched the sideways perspectives of Bill Maher, I actually listened to what he said. There was one line in particular that resonated with me. He stated that if Hillary Clinton made the same statement about Paul Revere as did Sarah Palin, the media and pundits would eat her alive. His reasoning, Sarah Palin gets away with more because she is pretty. It made me think and of course asks the question of myself that I will also pose to you; do attractive people get away with more?
In an ideal world I want to believe that those of us who actually use our heads are on equal footing, but then I changed the channel and there was Kim Khardashian. Her claim to fame is a big butt and a poorly filmed sex taped where the world was exposed to her cooter. I will not lie, she is beautiful, but is there anything else? As an amateur porn star, honestly, couldn’t You do better after a couple shots of Cuervo? She is essentially famous, for being famous and hanging with some equally untalented friends who also happen to be good looking with a great publicist. And to be honest, I have a big butt. I know 17 other women who have a big butt and are pretty and smart. If you know a good publicist, please send them my way, I would like to get an endorsement deal as well. A few cosmetic tweaks, carefully constructed makeup and hair weave, I too can be really pretty.
Then I thought of Jessica Simpson. I thought of her Pizza Hut buffalo wings commercial and Starkist tuna deals. Is she a genius or is she really that simple? Does it matter, she is pretty? Do we prefer to have women remain quiet or be outspoken with knowledge. I’m not certain so I must wait for you to weigh in.
I did ask my friend, who used Michelle Obama as an example. She stated that she is a Harvard graduate and a lawyer, yet her only stand has been on children, fitness and healthy eating. She did not make the Hillary Clinton mistake of creating a platform of politics, but instead opted for the well being of our children; inquisitive one that I am thought for a moment with a look of confusion on my face which prompted an answer. Her response was simply, you can be loud. You can be wrong. You can be loud and wrong, but never, ever should you be loud and right. Loud and right brings out the ugly in many and pretty is becomes as pretty does.
Let it marinate and get back to me.
I found myself utterly and completely fascinated with most of the answers which in part, where mostly defensive. Answers gravitated from recession concession to jealousy, to a real independent woman does not want to lose her independence. There were even comments from one gentleman who boasted about his independent woman’s gift giving and how she provided him pocket money. It was one extreme to the next, but the real question to all of you today, is your independence keeping you single?
Everyone wants to have or belong to someone, but some see companionship as compromise, while others argue why do I need a man to give me what I can provide for myself. Have we, as women, become so competitive in the workplace that we have forgotten the simple art of being a lady. Being a lady has nothing to do with your independence. I will admit, there are some men who are challenged by women who are smarter and more accomplished than themselves, but the majority of men, truly want to spend time in the company of a lady.
Webster’s defines lady as a refined, well spoken and polite woman of high social position and is the parallel of gentleman. This definition is pretty clear but just in case there is some confusion, parallel is complimentary. A woman’s relationship to and with a man, should be complimentary. This does not mean that you have to sacrifice who you are, what you have accomplished or your dreams or ambitions, in order to have a relationship with a man, but to compliment what he does and who he is. A prime example is Michelle Obama. She is complimentary to her husband and her accomplishments and achievements stand on their own, but she relishes her independent mind, but excels in her role as wife and mother. She is the epitome of the example of you can have it, without the sacrifice.
What does it take to have your independence and a great relationship? Take the focus off of being so damned independent and place the focus on being a lady. Place your focus on being complimentary. Place your focus on being parallel and lined up with something other than your own goals. When we remove ourselves from that constant cycle of “me…me…myself…I…wait back to me…” we have the golden opportunity to sit on the side and cheer for someone else. In the end, that is all your man truly wants, is for you to cheer for him once in a while. He is proud of you and what you have done, and he brags about you at the barber shop even though you don’t know it. He says with pride when he visits with his Mom or chats with his Dad about the things you are doing on the job. Can you say the same, without a sadden sigh because he hasn’t reached his full potential? Can you say the same without a snide comment of “now if he would just pick up his drawers, and put them in the hamper…”. Can you say the same without nitpicking him to death over dinner because he ordered a steak and you chose a salad? Here’s a hint sisters, you can graze on lettuce leaves at home. You man wants to see you enjoy some meat and he wants to pay for it! He wants to tell you about his day and what that “Dumb Dave” did at work. He wants to share with you the silly argument that ensued in the locker room or lunch room over some commentary on ESPN.
The question is do you want to listen? Or do you have so much on your mind about your day, and what that sneaky Millicent said, or that million dollar deal that is on the table that you know you are about close. More than anything, you are counting the money you are about to spend when the deal does closes and what is your next strategic move.
I am not taking sides, I am just asking the questions that I want you to answer, because if I am thinking it, so is someone else. So I weighed in from a woman’s point of view, give me some feedback with this next question.
Do you think they feel less of a man when dealing with a woman who is able to carry her own load, very successful, and can do things on her own without his help?