Last month, as part of our saving more campaign, hubby and I decided to cancel some unnecessary subscriptions and memberships. Reluctantly, this cancellation included my new love, Sirius Satellite radio. I miss having the freedom to avoid advertising and Shock Jocks, but alas, without my trust iPod at my side, I was forced to listen to the radio. I tuned in to Michael Baisden. He had an interesting topic and wanted to know, when did men stop being men?
I don’t think that men have stopped being men; I think women have stopped being ladies. In an ever changing world, roles became muddled in the 80’s, transfused in the 90’s and in the new millennia, these roles have been transposed. We don’t know what we want anymore, who we want or how to live with the opposite sex. We can’t communicate because unless it is a BBM or a text message, face time is only applicable if it involves the Facetime app. How can we expect our men to know what to say let alone how to act?
The problem is really two fold. I think as mothers, we have become so protective of bad women who were not properly raised, that we shelter our sons. Our sheltered sons are often torn between holding in their mouths the breasts of their women and the breasts of their mothers. It is hard to realize such extremes, but to be honest, it is where we are. Our men cannot be men, because they are still being their mom’s little boys. Mother’s must learn to let them go so they can leave your homes and began their own.
When Mom learns to let go, men can then become independent to find their way. Don’t worry Mom, if you raised him right, he will know how to treat a lady and will only attract the good ones. But, in order to attract a good man, you must first be a good woman. Being a good woman means you must learn to honest and stop introducing the men in your lives to you designated representatives (DR). Your DR is that person you are pretending to be to get this man to like or love you. You wonder why the relationship goes south; because once you tire of the charade, the real you comes out. Nine times out of ten, he will not like the real you. As a matter of fact, you argue all the time because the real you and your DR are at odds. However, you will not be kind and end it until you have reduced him to a pulverized mass weeping on the kitchen floor. I feel sorry for the woman that gets him next.
Men have not stopped being men, we have stopped being ladies. Our DR’s show up and promise the poor fella that he has discovered a rare gem, when really it is just a lump a coal covered in green spray paint and shined up with Armor All. How do you know how to pick a good partner or mate when you can no longer trust your judgment? You don’t judge, you just learn to feel. If what you are doing feels good, then good is okay. It no longer becomes relevant to find something permanent, because every one lies. Everyone has a DR, and tonight, it is your turn to entertain the reps.
If the latest rep or DR can pole dance, then the night is going to be hot! Who needs love when I can borrow it for a few minutes? I can be a good man tomorrow, however tonight, I am going to be a bad boy. Life is short, why waste it thinking? I am still thinking about the original question and I have no answer for you Mr. Baisden.
- For the Good Guys (trevoramason.com)
- A Good Woman (hotpottimemachine.wordpress.com)
- 5 Traps for Young Men (modernpuritan.com)
- Be What You Desire (youngwomaninaction.wordpress.com)
Okay, admittedly so, I have on several occasions acknowledged that I need to stay off Facebook. However, I could not pass up this little ditty. According to Quentin McCall, Life Coach, there are seven types of women, every man should date. These beauties include a simple, low maintenance woman, a woman who has submitted herself to God, an emotionally stable, selfless woman who can be your best friend. The last two traits that every man should look for is a woman of character, who is also loyal and patient. If you happen to find this woman, I think I would like to date her too, because I am not sure if this person exists. On a good day, I can cover maybe three, but all seven, I fear, my friends, that I am not that enlightened. Even June Cleaver sometimes got a little terse with the Beaver.
As a woman, I am always looking for ways in which I can be better, or ways in which I can evolve. Yet, we all know that in order to evolve, we must learn ways to grow from our mistakes. The things which have slowed us down or rather taught us major lessons in life, are the things which have caused us pain. Therefore, it is only fitting that I pick up where Mr. McCall has left off, and make a list of seven men that every woman should date.
- Someone who is broke, so you can remember, it ain’t cute constantly eat off the dollar menu.
- A man without a car, you will easily learn that he spends his money on Jordan’s instead of saving for something worthwhile like a vehicle.
- A bad boy, these are great to show you that drama is not a formula for relationship success. Getting drunk and fighting is only fun and exciting the first time, until you either get arrested or the cops threaten to haul you off with that idiot.
- A sexaholic. When you are young, you can go all night. When you are 35, the only thing you want to do all night is sleep. These guys are great for a once a month outing, but really, in two years when you would rather sleep, he and his friend are constantly poking you in the back trying to get you to play. Both of them need to go to sleep. You want to converse with me, talk to me with your mouth.
- A man who is in touch with his emotions. He can tell you all about his feelings, which is great, but a year into the relationship, he is just going to seem like he is just whining.
- A cheap skate. The good thing about this man is that you will never be broke. You will also never have anything new, never get a new car, a bigger house or shop at Macy’s.
- A man of refinement, this person is usually smarter than you are, are well traveled and understand food and wine pairings. He is also a test model because these types of men always make you feel as if you are not quite at their level. I love these types of men, because they inspire you to learn more and be better. Please keep in mind, you are not being better to be with them, just tuning up for when you meet your future husband. PS, hubby is going to be proud that you know food and wine pairings. This insipid fellow also taught you about stocks and bonds, so you can a little bit of moolah.
Even though I said seven, there is still one type of man with a must have trait in the man you marry; that is the ability to fix things. I love a handy man. I hate when something breaks and your man is in the Yellow Pages looking for a repair person. Heck, I can do that myself.
I know I may have missed a man or two that a woman should date, but these are not to be confused with the type of men a woman can’t resist. That in itself is a different story with a whole new set of rules and lessons learned. We will visit that on a later edition.
- Dating in NYC – Potential Girlfriend or just a Piece of Ass? (julietjeske.wordpress.com)
- ‘No Crazy Chicks’: Eight Red Flags I Learned from Online Dating by JILL FILIPOVIC (sanguinelyyours.wordpress.com)
- Top Ten First Date Rules for Men (thenewtopten.wordpress.com)
I want to believe, I really do, but after listening to non-satellite radio, I am convinced that romance is dead.
“I want your ugly, I want your disease, I want your everything as long as it’s free.” – Lady Gaga
What the bleep? This is not romantic music.
I don’t blame the music industry.
I don’t blame lame TV shows that require you to get a rose in order to feel relevant.
I don’t blame movies for forgetting how to get it right.
I blame women.
Yes, you, Ms. Bring a movie and pick up some Chinese food for our date night. That is not a date; that is a booty call. When did we as women stop feeling as if our feelings mattered? Why is it that we no longer want him to be able to ignite our fires, but we are okay if he can just buy a match. However, this cannot just be one sided, my ladies, when was the last time you even got close to the oven to get him heated? He needs as much romance as we do. Enough of the puppy love and unadventurous dates, time to add some spark to your repertoire and some spark to your weekend. Date night is about to get grown up. According to Men’s Health Magazine online, there are lists, and lists and more lists on how to get it right. There is a list of what women believe makes the perfect date. If you can’t get it right, you can at least get close.
- 5 Sensual Touching Tricks to Turn Her On
- Ace 5 Crucial Relationship Moments
- 50 Things Women Wish Men Knew
- 5 Ways to Please Her Every Time
- 10 New Places to Have Sex
Now this is a good start.
Granted, not every date can be expensive or extensive; sometimes the best dates in the world can be at home. I have inserted a nice link here for you to find ways to get your romance on in your own home. What I am suggesting here is to use your imagination to exercise your romantic elbow. Flex that sucker and give the person in your life a chance to remember why you are together. We are not talking about putting on a pair of your best Victoria’s Secret gear, or showing your pole dance moves, this is about getting into your partner’s head and saying I appreciate having you in my life. I want you to take a minute to re-evaluate why you wake up next to this person, how you got here and remind them that your heart is still beating and romance in your mind is still alive.
I will leave you with this link that gives you 100 great date night ideas. While you are on your date, I challenge you to learn one new thing about your partner, date or mate. You cannot honestly know how to romance your partner if you do not fully understand with whom you are sharing your life. I want to believe that romance is alive. Come back and share with me why you also think that romance is not dead but alive in your life. I can’t wait to read your comments and just in case, here is your red rose to let you know you are a keeper.
I found myself utterly and completely fascinated with most of the answers which in part, where mostly defensive. Answers gravitated from recession concession to jealousy, to a real independent woman does not want to lose her independence. There were even comments from one gentleman who boasted about his independent woman’s gift giving and how she provided him pocket money. It was one extreme to the next, but the real question to all of you today, is your independence keeping you single?
Everyone wants to have or belong to someone, but some see companionship as compromise, while others argue why do I need a man to give me what I can provide for myself. Have we, as women, become so competitive in the workplace that we have forgotten the simple art of being a lady. Being a lady has nothing to do with your independence. I will admit, there are some men who are challenged by women who are smarter and more accomplished than themselves, but the majority of men, truly want to spend time in the company of a lady.
Webster’s defines lady as a refined, well spoken and polite woman of high social position and is the parallel of gentleman. This definition is pretty clear but just in case there is some confusion, parallel is complimentary. A woman’s relationship to and with a man, should be complimentary. This does not mean that you have to sacrifice who you are, what you have accomplished or your dreams or ambitions, in order to have a relationship with a man, but to compliment what he does and who he is. A prime example is Michelle Obama. She is complimentary to her husband and her accomplishments and achievements stand on their own, but she relishes her independent mind, but excels in her role as wife and mother. She is the epitome of the example of you can have it, without the sacrifice.
What does it take to have your independence and a great relationship? Take the focus off of being so damned independent and place the focus on being a lady. Place your focus on being complimentary. Place your focus on being parallel and lined up with something other than your own goals. When we remove ourselves from that constant cycle of “me…me…myself…I…wait back to me…” we have the golden opportunity to sit on the side and cheer for someone else. In the end, that is all your man truly wants, is for you to cheer for him once in a while. He is proud of you and what you have done, and he brags about you at the barber shop even though you don’t know it. He says with pride when he visits with his Mom or chats with his Dad about the things you are doing on the job. Can you say the same, without a sadden sigh because he hasn’t reached his full potential? Can you say the same without a snide comment of “now if he would just pick up his drawers, and put them in the hamper…”. Can you say the same without nitpicking him to death over dinner because he ordered a steak and you chose a salad? Here’s a hint sisters, you can graze on lettuce leaves at home. You man wants to see you enjoy some meat and he wants to pay for it! He wants to tell you about his day and what that “Dumb Dave” did at work. He wants to share with you the silly argument that ensued in the locker room or lunch room over some commentary on ESPN.
The question is do you want to listen? Or do you have so much on your mind about your day, and what that sneaky Millicent said, or that million dollar deal that is on the table that you know you are about close. More than anything, you are counting the money you are about to spend when the deal does closes and what is your next strategic move.
I am not taking sides, I am just asking the questions that I want you to answer, because if I am thinking it, so is someone else. So I weighed in from a woman’s point of view, give me some feedback with this next question.
Do you think they feel less of a man when dealing with a woman who is able to carry her own load, very successful, and can do things on her own without his help?
I am often asked how have you managed to say married for so long? My answer is very simple; I let my husband be who he is.
I have been married for 20 years with one child who is now in college. Over the years we have had our bumps and hiccups and our struggles for power. One day my husband told me, you can be in charge of whatever it is you do in your office, but in this house, you are wife and mother. Yep, go ahead, catch your breath, because I know I did. My first reaction was to get up cross the room, and knock the taste out of his mouth. But I stopped and considered his words.
I took his words to heart and in year 3, I concentrated on being his wife and the mother to my child. When he walks in the door from work, I greet him with a kiss, and now that we are empty nesters, sometimes skimpy lingerie. Dinner is on the table when he walks in the door whether I have cooked it, or ordered out. There are always leftovers in the fridge, a sweet dessert or something yummy to snack on. When he is watching tv, I leave him alone and let him enjoy his show. And you know what….he does the same for me.
The mortgage is paid on time, my car is road ready anytime I need to make a trip, and if I want to shop, he will give me what I need. During dinner we have conversations about life, world events, and about each other. He nurtures my need to change the world and allows me the freedom to do just that while I support him in being my man and taking care of our family.
We often hear the phrase let a man be a man, but often misconstrue it as giving a man free reign to sow his wild oats. Letting a man be a man to me, means making sure he feels wanted and needed. Because in the end, everyone want to be needed, but a man needs to be wanted.
I know some of you will disagree, but if you have not been married longer than I have then save your comments. And just in case you are wondering, I have a masters and PhD that he paid for.