Yesterday I went shopping with my god friend as we looked for potential items for our upcoming cruise. I have plenty of clothing to wear, so I was actually looking for a pair of navy slacks for work. I knew what I came for, but in good spirit, I listened to her suggestions. We tried on dresses. We tried on shorts, we tried on tees. Please allow me to clarify my stance before we go any further. My work clothing is very conservative. My leisurely clothing is very conservative. I seldom wear loud colors and deep cut blouses, because I am a frickin’ lady.
Everything she picked up or picked out for me looked like something from a video of MILFs gone wild. I do like color, in moderation. I don’t wear tons of colors because I don’t want to scream, “look at me!” There is a time and a place, but I would never in my wildest dreams wear anything that I feel would be an embarrassment to my son or to my husband. Maybe it was just the way I was raised. Maybe deep inside of me, I have always been a woman who wanted to be respected for my mind and to comport myself in manner that my standards would not be questioned.
I cannot help but question the motifs of a woman over 45 who wants her cleavage to show. Those boobs are old and moving towards becoming full of dust, who are you trying to tempt? I am not ashamed of my body and take pride in my appearance, but I can do that in flattering colors, suitable patterns and dresses that are appropriate for my age.
I still live by the rules taught by my mother; if it will embarrass you if I found out, then don’t do it. I hold those words dear and taught the same rule to my son. There has to be a standard. I am holding to mine because I’m a frickin’ lady!
- How Colors Can Influence Our Well-Being (colorfulwellbeing.wordpress.com)
- Be Sexy and Confident In Your Own Size (clutchmagonline.com)
- The Perfect Summer Dress (momedy.blogspot.com)
I found myself utterly and completely fascinated with most of the answers which in part, where mostly defensive. Answers gravitated from recession concession to jealousy, to a real independent woman does not want to lose her independence. There were even comments from one gentleman who boasted about his independent woman’s gift giving and how she provided him pocket money. It was one extreme to the next, but the real question to all of you today, is your independence keeping you single?
Everyone wants to have or belong to someone, but some see companionship as compromise, while others argue why do I need a man to give me what I can provide for myself. Have we, as women, become so competitive in the workplace that we have forgotten the simple art of being a lady. Being a lady has nothing to do with your independence. I will admit, there are some men who are challenged by women who are smarter and more accomplished than themselves, but the majority of men, truly want to spend time in the company of a lady.
Webster’s defines lady as a refined, well spoken and polite woman of high social position and is the parallel of gentleman. This definition is pretty clear but just in case there is some confusion, parallel is complimentary. A woman’s relationship to and with a man, should be complimentary. This does not mean that you have to sacrifice who you are, what you have accomplished or your dreams or ambitions, in order to have a relationship with a man, but to compliment what he does and who he is. A prime example is Michelle Obama. She is complimentary to her husband and her accomplishments and achievements stand on their own, but she relishes her independent mind, but excels in her role as wife and mother. She is the epitome of the example of you can have it, without the sacrifice.
What does it take to have your independence and a great relationship? Take the focus off of being so damned independent and place the focus on being a lady. Place your focus on being complimentary. Place your focus on being parallel and lined up with something other than your own goals. When we remove ourselves from that constant cycle of “me…me…myself…I…wait back to me…” we have the golden opportunity to sit on the side and cheer for someone else. In the end, that is all your man truly wants, is for you to cheer for him once in a while. He is proud of you and what you have done, and he brags about you at the barber shop even though you don’t know it. He says with pride when he visits with his Mom or chats with his Dad about the things you are doing on the job. Can you say the same, without a sadden sigh because he hasn’t reached his full potential? Can you say the same without a snide comment of “now if he would just pick up his drawers, and put them in the hamper…”. Can you say the same without nitpicking him to death over dinner because he ordered a steak and you chose a salad? Here’s a hint sisters, you can graze on lettuce leaves at home. You man wants to see you enjoy some meat and he wants to pay for it! He wants to tell you about his day and what that “Dumb Dave” did at work. He wants to share with you the silly argument that ensued in the locker room or lunch room over some commentary on ESPN.
The question is do you want to listen? Or do you have so much on your mind about your day, and what that sneaky Millicent said, or that million dollar deal that is on the table that you know you are about close. More than anything, you are counting the money you are about to spend when the deal does closes and what is your next strategic move.
I am not taking sides, I am just asking the questions that I want you to answer, because if I am thinking it, so is someone else. So I weighed in from a woman’s point of view, give me some feedback with this next question.
Do you think they feel less of a man when dealing with a woman who is able to carry her own load, very successful, and can do things on her own without his help?