Closer

I Can’t Find the Remote!

Posted on December 29, 2011 Updated on December 29, 2011

Tired, aching and full of fever, the bed had become a two day prison. At the start of day three, very pleased that the fever had broken, I was still weakened and not too anxious to move about. As I returned from the kitchen after retrieving a fresh glass of Gatorade, I hit the power button for the television. Looking to my left and to my right, I did not physically see the remote. The television was on TNT. I began to whine that I could not find the remote. I was stuck watching this channel for six hours which included two episode of The Closer and back to back showings of Rizzoli & Isles. I then began to think, was my inability to find the remote an allegory to how many of us were living our lives? Were we stuck watching a fake reality because we were too lazy to get up, physically look for something that can help you change the channel that your life was also stuck in?

In our youth, we loved to tune into MTV and watch the latest videos, see the fashion and learn the dance moves. These iconic symbols were our models for how to dress, who to date, where to be seen and who to emulate. MTV has now changed and is full of reality television shows that have spawned the like of new young starlets named Snookie. This is also the channel that brought you Beavis & Butthead. In the new millinia, these characters are now named The Situation and Mickey D. Somebody hand me the remote so I can change this channel because I have outgrown MTV. The same can also be said for the sister channels of VH1, E!, and BET.

As mature adults we attempt to change the channel to CBS but there are only so many CSI shows one can tolerate along with death. CBS reminds us that are lives can be taken away by any random nut job that wants to be a serial killer or has the ability to brandish a weapon. Please help me find the remote; I don’t want to be this close to my own mortality.

The other side of our adult hood likes to have fun, and we want to watch fun things, so we grab our remotes and tune into NBC. They have an Office full of schmucks, a television show at 30 Rockefeller Center that is full of hams who act like schmucks and fairy tales with Grimm endings. NBC is entertaining. We can leave the channel stationary for a while because here we feel sociable. We can talk about the episodes with our friends. We are connected, we are in the loop. Not really, these people on these shows are not your real friends, you are acting loopy, find the remote and find an adult channel and get in sync!

On occasion, when our bodies and minds feel out of sync and we feel mentally loopy, we change to the Lifetime channel. Somebody is killing their husband, having the neighbor’s baby and somebody is going to die or get revenge. Either way, by the end of the movie you are in tears. An emotional cleansing that makes you feel better about the life you are really only half living. The tears aren’t really for the character on the show; they are for you, and your sad life. Remember when you used to be cool and people wanted to hang out with you? Change the damned channel already!

In the end, it doesn’t matter which channel you are watching, the fact remains that you are sedentary. Get your butt up, get a book, start a blog, or just do something! If you can’t find the remote, then good, it may be a sign from the universe that it is time to stop watching television and become active in your community. Happy New Year and here is to a Happy New You!