new year accidents

Wait…Who Writes This Sh*t?

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Just when I thought it was all over and I had finally stopped laughing at being ravished by a t-rex who was a billionaire with a boner, I run across this literary gem. It is so bad, I only need to post the pic of the book cover.51+gbQs38sL._SX299_BO1,204,203,200_ Yes, you read it correctly. 

Kidnapped By Somali Pirates: White Wife Black Sex Interracial Cuckold Hotwife Fertile Pregnancy Taboo Romance. All of that is in the title on Amazon as well.  Ms. Bush, the author, would like you to pay $2.99 for this story.

I copied this synopsis for you about Sydney, a married woman who is captured by Somali Pirates and she has to go along with submitting to the men in order to live.

“In the process, she receives the most amazing pleasure that she didn’t realize was even possible. But she uses condoms with her husband for birth control and now she’s being taken bare by a powerful, sexy black man with huge equipment. Will she get pregnant? Would Jayden be supportive of his wife and raise the black baby as his own?”

I don’t know, Jayden. He had huge equipment.  After that, man it may be like giving a whale a Tic-Tac.

  Is this also a new thing?

I tell you, by the time I looked a couple of these, I could not stop myself from falling over. I am not judging.  Somewhere out there, there is a reader for this because she keeps fricking writing more. Evidently, she went black at the Christmas Party and on vacation.  Please make it stop.

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The 3 am Phone Call

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There are moments in a lifetime which leaves us truly speechless. There are minutes in a lifetime, than can take our breath away. Then there are the seconds in life which seem to stop time. Sometimes we can experience all of these moments simultaneously with the arrival of the 3 am phone call.

Our personal history dictates that the 3 am phone call could be the result of a drunken booty call, in which we can only hope the caller will not remember this embarrassing moment. As middle aged children, we hope and pray that it is not a relative or neighbor calling us about our parents. As parents we are prayerful that it is not the police calling about our child.

Over the weekend, the intensive labor of the birthing of the 2012 New Year, many parents saw their children heading out with friends to celebrate and be young. Some of us older partiers headed into the nighttime to join in the New Year festivities with friends. In the wee hours of the morning we saw the best in human nature and the worst, either in the bathroom worshipping the Porcelain Goddess or mangled in a scrap heap on the side of road. At 3 am on Friday night, my client received a 3 am phone call. On Monday, she was still reliving the fear from the seconds in which she felt her heart stop.

Her 3 am phone call was in fact the Richmond County Sheriff’s Department. At the sound of the officer’s identification, she immediately stopped breathing. When she heard her son’s name, she started to cry. When the officer told her that her son had been taken to jail, she started to scream. The remaining details were a blur.

As parents, this is one of our worst nightmares. Her son had been arrested for drunk driving. By all that is Holy, there was no accident, there were no causalities, and fate had been kind on this night. However, an ounce of prevention is always worth a pound of cure.

I began to think about my own son and his whereabouts on the dawning of the New Year. My husband and I have been very cautious with his flow into manhood. Although he is about to turn 21, he still has a 1 am curfew. I know it may sound silly in this day and age, but my personal history has dictated that the only exciting things that happen after 1 am are crime statistics. If you are safe and sound in your home and bed, you have just reduced your probability of becoming a statistical entry in the log book.

My heart goes out to any parent, child or former love that has ever received the 3 am call. It is in our nature to fear the worst. It is in our mental vaults that the call is bad news. We cannot seal a protective casing around our children just as parents did not seal one around us. What we can do is teach. Teach our children to be safe, use good judgment and to consider their futures. There are many who wish us well, but there are equally as many who wish us harm and sometimes, it is just for the benefit of their amusement or the joy in watching you fall. But more importantly, there is no worse feeling than a 3 am phone call, and seconds that it can age you with worry, fear and dread.