How awesome is this? Great tips for making your kitchen life easy. Who says there is nothing worthwhile on Facebook?
So I am trolling the internet newsfeeds and FB feeds and I came across this article dated February 4 by Daniel Ryan Adler on Starting Today You Can Be the Happiest Person If You Pick Up These Habits.. I was intrigued and thought I would read the article.
In general, I am a happy person, mainly, because I am too stupid to worry about things in which I have no control. The other reason I am happy is because I can see things as they are and laugh at the absurdity of it all. So please forgive me Mr. Adler, I did thoroughly enjoy your article, but being who I am, I am going to enjoy it even more once I make some adjustments.
I do like your positive start, “I think of myself as the happiest person whenever I walk into a room, and most people notice my smile right away. Here are 20 ways you can find yourself as happy as I am.”
My first thought, his doctor gave him some good sh*t. If I up my happy pills, I can be the happiest son of a gun in the room too. Follow it up with a glass of Chenin Blanc, you would have to pull me off the chandelier. So I am going to follow your list, but add my own versions of what you are seeing.
1. Let it go.
If you are sitting down making lists on how to manage your life, this is probably the first thing you need to let go. Life is about living not sitting at home making lists about sh*t you know you shouldn’t be doing anyway.
2. Be kind.
Go ahead and tell your best friend LaQueeda that she should not wear that dress because even on the savannah, that zebra print dress would confuse the hell out anything and anyone. Be kind, tell her it perplexes you just watching her ass move in it, and she should never wear it again. In the long run, when she starts speaking to you again, it will be okay.
You know you don’t have all of the rent today, and honestly, you ain’t going to have it tomorrow either. BUT, in two days, when Pookie comes back, you will have the rest. Go ahead and give them what you have, say you will pay the late fee, and bring the rest when Pookie hooks you up. You have just challenged yourself and succeeded. Look at you grow.
4. Express gratitude.
The next time you call your sister and she launches into that long winded rant about her ailments and maladies, yell in the phone, “Thank God you are alive one more day to complain about it. I know some people who are dead today. Go ahead, if you don’t believe me, pick up the obituary. See, dead folks…ain’t you grateful?” I bet she feels a whole lot better about her gout.
Yeah, that one. Don’t be scared. Walk up to that big ball of sexiness and let them know lucky they are. If you weren’t already taken, you would ride them so hard you would scramble their molecules. And because you are scientifically inclined, you can separate the DNA and rebuild them to be even sexier. GO hard or GO home is my motto.
6. Speak well of others.
Don’t be shy, tell your boss that you are very happy that Ellen got the promotion; it wasn’t your turn. You can even let him now that since she separated her eyebrows, her confidence is way up. Way to go Ellen!
7. Be in the now.
Put down the cell phone and yell across the gym at random people, “I am unfriending you now in person, I will do it again when I finish on the treadmill. But then I will use my phone!” Who says your communication skills are not what they used to be, everyone in the room heard you.
8. Do not compare yourself to others.
There is absolutely no point. Her boobs are bigger and will sag way before yours do. And so what if you gained a little weight, at least you aren’t STILL single. It doesn’t matter if you had a cheeseburger and fries for lunch. Rhona had a twizzle stick, a craisin, and a bottle of water. Yeah, she may be a size 4, but she is hungry as F*ck and single. Let her gnaw on that while she is dreaming her pillow is a marshmallow. Oh yeah, she is sleeping alone, because she is single.
9. Realize you don’t need others’ approval.
Of course you don’t need anyone’s approval. HOWEVER, Dan in accounting said you look really hot in the green dress. Go ahead, wear it every other Thursday when you know he is coming to your floor for the bi-weekly conference call. Why not? You look hot, Dan said so. Nice Dan. Sweet Dan. You’re going to scramble Dan’s molecules on the second date.
10. Be honest.
Okay, I got bored with Mr. Adler’s post at this point and this is when I decided to tear it apart. I feel better. Don’t you? Let’s continue shall we?
11. Take time to listen.
What? I’m sorry, I looked up and your lips were moving. Were you talking to me? Why you getting all mad? I heard half of it. See. See. That’s what I mean. You are so hard to communicate with….arrggh!
12. Accept what can’t be changed.
Dammit, you know Scandal is on, why are you still talking to me? arrrggh!
13. Read daily selections from a book of wisdom.
Okay. Open Twitter Feed.
@ltsDoryBitch Mar 19
these are stronger than most people’s relationships pic.twitter.com/ckrUYBSiRv
(hit reply–insert good one-lol—now retweet. Wisdom shared. Good for me.)
@fatamypost Mar 19
Me after running up the stairs 😩 pic.twitter.com/xcISqTPKEY
Great! now that song is stuck in my head. Reply to @fatamypost BOOO! Now retweet to screw up someone else’s day by making them sing that song….I got time while she got freedom…..and when a heart breaks, no it don’t break, no it don’t break even…
14. Travel at least two weeks of the year.
This does not mean you Kobe Bryant; you still have to dribble.
15. Catch yourself before negativity starts.
You know you don’t need that cookie, but dammit, if you are going to eat it, be happy about it. There are children all over the world wishing they had a cookie, and you do. If you are going to buy it, the eat the hell out it! Go ahead, Nom Nom Nom
16. Dress well.
Go to the local old folks clothing store and buy yourself a pair of the fun, funky pants. I think you will look cute in them.
That cross is in her butt crack.
17. Enjoy sadness.
I saw an episode of the Walking Dead. Screw that! You can’t get any sadder than that crap, and I will tell you right here and now, I did not enjoy it. Not at all. keep your sadness to yourself Mr. Happy Pants.
18. Eat well.
Food taste better with people you like. Don’t be a zombie and eat the people, just find a way to get the girls or guys over to break bread and talk some trash.
19. Keep in touch with your friends and family.
Do Facebook posts count? I sent a text the other day with a happy face.
20. Be alone.
It’s 2 in the morning and I am at my computer, but really, is anyone, ever really alone. Even as I reach the end of this post, you are here. Therefore, I am not alone.
I feel happier though.
Each week on my Facebook Page, I put out weekly writing challenges. Some of the challenges have a great deal of guidelines, but most are an opportunity to think outside of the box. I would like to introduce you to Kennedy Taylor. This writer has no box.
Here is the assignment: Let us write today. I would like to see your first paragraph about a man named Tim, whose car has broken down on a dark road. A good first paragraph is 5-12 sentences.
Here is his response.
Kennedy Taylor: “You’re late, Tim,” said the voice on the cell. “Where are you?” Tim sat behind the wheel of his ford Bronco II. The engine cut out and he coasted to a stop. He couldn’t see more than a few feet down the dark road, but he could now hear the ocean, the waves crashing along the beach. He could see a seagull trying to balance itself on a half-deflated volley ball.
“I’m at the beach. My car just died. There’s a seagull.”
“I don’t know,” said Tim. “It’s just here flapping around.”
“Hey, asshole,” said the Voice. “I meant the car. What’s wrong with the car? I don’t care about some bird playing with a volleyball.” Tim began to sweat. They can see me? He looked around, but could only see darkness.
“Where are you?” said Tim.
“Now, Tim, we’ve been through this already. You don’t get to make demands. I have what you want, remember? Now, the car. Tell me about the car.”
“I don’t know. It just died. I was driving and it just died.” Tim pounded the steering wheel.
“You were driving and the engine died,” said the Voice. “Ok, that’s not bad. Might be the fuel injector. Look to your left” Tim complied. Now that his eyes were adjusted to the darkness he could make out the faint shape of someone wearing a coat and hat on the other side of the street. Tim let out a breath. This was it. It was about to happen, what the Voice told him HAD to happen. The coat-wearing figure began walking toward him. The figure didn’t have to look for traffic; there was none. Tim had a fleeting thought of abandoning the plan. “Ok, I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s too risky.”
“Too late,” said the Voice and ended the call. The figure stopped several feet from Tim’s car. “Get out.”
“We don’t have to do this,” said Tim, almost pleading.
“It wasn’t a request, Tim.”
Tim got out of the car. He was wearing swim trucks and a tee-shirt. “Take that shirt off,” said the figure. Again, Tim complied. The figure walked toward him. Without thinking, Tim backed towards the car, bumping against the door. Before he could say another word, the figure reached for him and….embraced him. They passionately kissed as Tim removed the hat to reveal the face of his beautiful wife. “You’re such a scaredy-cat, Tim” she said, a twinkle in her eyes. She threw off her coat revealing a two-piece bikini underneath. “And you know I hate crowds. Come on. Let’s go” They ran towards the beach scaring away the seagull.
“Hey, Nia, take that top off, ” said Tim.
“Hey, asshole, I already told you. You don’t get to make demands, “said Nia. She kissed him again. “I love you.”
“And I love you, always,” said Tim.
Join in on the writing fun, follow, friend and just jump right in.
- Finding [not Nemo] Your Voice… (mcgeejp.com)
- Weekly Writing Challenge: 1st Memory (fireflydance.net)
- The Writer’s Block – A New Type of Challenge (slbloggersupport.wordpress.com)
- Staying in Focus: Weekly Writing Challenge: The Recipe Of Me (patcoyle53.wordpress.com)
- Day 30-Monthly Writing Motivators-August (afterwriterdreams.com)
- Bop Announces Tactics for Writing Marketing Emails that Compel Action (prweb.com)
- Writing Enthusiast, Elchanan Grabarsky, Talks on the Power of Creative Writing (prweb.com)
- Weekly Writing Challenge: Stress (fireflydance.net)
- Ten Writing Confessions (writingsbykrystol.wordpress.com)
I did it. I unplugged and stepped away from the corporate machine that sucks my life into a vortex of faked reality shows that remind of my level of poverty. I am no longer chained to my television or wireless internet in my home. Yes, I forget to pay my cable bill. Evidently, I forget to pay it two months in a row, because the balance due was the equivalent of a car note.
I am now protesting the cable company and their unfair advantage of oligopoly in my neighborhood. I am protesting because I don’t get paid until Friday and I really need to see how severe my addiction to all things technology related really is.
Wednesday: Day One of my stand against the Oligarchy Gods; Hubby and I made homemade Chinese, talked about our feelings recounted fun moments from our vacation. We each made a mental note to spend more time talking to each other and less time in front of the television. We washed dishes together, shared a glass of wine and made moon eyes at each other.
Thursday: Day Two I cursed the cable company and went about my afternoon. I got some mopping done that had been grossly overlooked. I did laundry and actually folded and put the clothing away in the same day. I have cleaned the cat box and I think the cat meowed “Thank God!” I then moved on to clean and dust my bedroom furniture. I had forgotten how pretty my bedroom furniture is.
Friday: Day Three I am pacing back and forth and thinking something may actually be wrong with me emotionally. Hubby found the free convertor box thing that we ordered two years ago. Great we now have at least three basic channels. One problem, every third commercial is about the box that we have just installed. My beautifully polished furniture is now spouting “rabbit ears.” I haven’t seen those since my Aunt Lillie’s house. Curse you, you Cable Bastards.
Saturday: I am feening for some internet. My rapacious need for some HGTV is taking over my mind. The walls are closing in on me and I am scratching like fleas have burrowed into my hind quarters. I even attempted to log into the wireless systems in my neighbor that were not locked. It is sad, I know. I think I need some support. I am going to phone a friend. I am calling a friend that has wireless and HBO. I am protesting, not abstaining people.
Sunday: I have a very productive day, but at five pm and dark thoughts over takes my mind. I even read a quick book over my iPhone, which I do not recommend. I was at a loss. It is Sunday and it a True Blood night and time for Longmire at 10pm. I can’t wait. I have to be at the water cooler on Monday to discuss the idiocy of Sookie and find out whether the Authority was actually killed. I needed support. I phoned a different friend who also had wireless and HBO. I was smart, I took her dinner since she had worked all day.
Monday: To hell with cable. I watched two episodes of M*A*S*H and sweated along with Lucas, The Rifleman when Mark and Jonah tried to figure out how to get the rattle snake out of his bedroll. Then there were two back to back episodes of Law & Order SVU, when Olivia was young and not so jaded. I even tuned into American Ninja Warrior and felt bad when those guys were omitted from the competition. None of the training was enough to calm such fragile nerves. They will not be going to mount Midorijama in Japan.
Tuesday: One of my fellow instructors will not be returning this quarter and I have to take over her class. I will now be teaching on Tuesday and Thursdays from 6-8 pm, so up yours Cable Punks.
Wednesday: I give. I am going to head to the cable company and write a hot check tomorrow.
I have learned a great deal this week. I am a creature of comfort that spends too much time with television as my background noise. My dependency on the internet is way too high but it is who I am. I am Cheryl and I am an addict.
Last week, in one of the many groups I will swing by and make random comments, a statement was posted about writers block.
Use Image Searches Like a Thesaurus to Overcome Your Creative Blocks lifehacker.com. Creative blocks are extremely frustrating. They come when you’re excited to produce something awesome but can’t manage to find the necessary inspiration to do so.
In my, evidently incorrect posting, I stated that I did not believe in writer’s block. I said that writer’s block was a term created by people who had run out of things to say and that when a writer, pens themselves into a corner, in frustration, they say it is writer’s block. I further went on to add, that if the writer reevaluates where they are and what they are attempting to say, you can write your way into a good story.
Simply stated I thought. Again, I was wrong. Some random lady, felt she needed to correct me with a statement that says my statement was rather opinionated.
Lauren StarrI don’t agree with that Cheryl, strongly so, some may have no issues of writer’s block – but that doesn’t mean others don’t have that problem. With the amount of books written on the subject I’m afraid that you are in the minority. I’ve also had an author state that “there are no characters writing the story, it’s just the author’s imagination…” Frankly, I’ve spoken to many authors & writers that claim that they have characters that they argue with, that some try to change the storyline & that there is a large number that feel that way. So just because one person or a few believe something, that doesn’t mean it is true for the majority. I found your statement that having a writing block is equivalent to not having anything to say is rather harsh and short sighted. It’s also rather hurtful to those that may be going through it. Often I get a type of writer’s block – not from a lack of ideas or having nothing to say, but from the sheer amount that wants to rush forth. I don’t know where to start or which story to tell. That can cause a bit of a dam when it comes time to actually write. The words are there, it’s just drawing out the first sentence so that things will start to flow. I’ve known well known authors that have different kinds of writer’s block – so your statement is rather opinionated, as well as negative in its presentation towards those that are dealing with the condition themselves. Criticism is good as long as it is helpful and not harmful.
March 9 at 10:46am · Like Unlike · 1
I know right! I was amused initially and so I thought I would send back a smart ass comment to counteract the negativity, provide my background and shed some light as to why I wrote what I did. I even thanked her for the Republican response. It appears that someone else also agreed with her and liked the comment. She evidently did not like mine, because this is what she wrote back.
Lauren StarrNice of you to assume I’m acting like a Republican. I’m not one. I’ve also been a teacher, though that was many years ago. Being a teacher, even of english is no guarantee to being a good writer. Or even of teaching others to be good writers. But no one says it better than James N. Frey in his book, “Write a Damn Good Novel”. His opinion on teachers and writing is priceless, since he used to be a professor himself. You should check it out if you haven’t yet. I also do not know why you seek to prove your view as superior as you did. As Mr. Frey stated in his insightful book, “there are many ways to write.” I agree that there is no one-size-fits-all ideal or the profession would not be such a coveted position. I’m sure you’re proud of your recognition, local fame and achievements. That’s fine, though I see no reason to fan them out as a peacock tail. Since I don’t know you, I find it a bit arrogant. But then that’s my opinion, my viewpoint. Everyone has one, like them or not. But it is far more telling of one’s character by seeing how they react to the views of others, than in the words they use to seek to clarify their own views. Why does one seek to prove their own opinion is better or more valid than another’s opinion. What is there to gain? Personally, when it came to criticism, more often, I’ve found a child’s feedback much more interesting, honest and useful. It’s also much more welcome, than the same from those that claim to be “experts”. As they are experts of their opinion and point of view. No more or less than anyone else. Frankly, I’d no idea why you’d bet your PhD – In our present economy, it’s worth is somewhat questionable. When even doctors and lawyers are unable to become employed, I don’t see the point. Nor do I see the relivancy in making the bet. Sorry to step on your toes, but if you don’t like my opinion that’s fine. But don’t wave your resume at me to prove your opinion has more worth. It doesn’t.
March 11 at 11:20pm · Unlike Like · 3
I was doubly a smart ass, because I was one of the three people that liked her comment. Then I posted in the group this really neat photo. I am still laughing too. I am creating a blog post dedicated to her effrontery. I am going to link it to her blog, because I am a teacher. In this economy, I even have a job.
Here’s the rub my friends. If you are going to pick a fight on Facebook with a person, at least know who you are fighting. I came up through corporate in the 1980s. I only know one way to fight; that is dirty and to take you out. Since you posted your comment in a public group and a public forum, I can repost it. I am coming for you sweetheart. I am going to explain to you relevancy, although you misspelled it, and I am going to bet my PhD, that your silly ass won’t do this again.
- Writer’s Block: How You Got It and How to Get Unblocked (nwchristianwriters.wordpress.com)
- The Truth About Creativity (Also Honey Badgers and The Matrix) (dmmaster42.wordpress.com)
- Writer’s Block Cause 3: Not knowing where to start (nhwn.wordpress.com)
- Four Moments When You Should Never Publish on the Internet (dysfunctionalliteracy.com)
This past week has been an exercise in patience. I have found that evidently, I am not very virtuous because I had very little. I am amazed at the rationale behind some decisions that are made based on logic that is in essence, irrational. It is like watching an episode of Hoarding: Buried Alive and failing to understand why Sue is breaking down over a bottle cap. We can’t understand the thought process because if logic were to prevail, someone would tell the individual, your behavior is nuckin’ futty.
Let’s examine the first instance.
I sat in a faculty meeting with an overactive, underachieving colleague. I knew she was going to make an issue in the meeting of how smart she was, how much she was teaching, and how much smarter she was than all of us. She brought up two class exercises she used in which three of us had no clue what she was talking about. I teach English. I am a writer. I have written four books and I don’t know that. I don’t know it because I don’t care. It has no impact on my day to day life and in essence no one gives a flying monkey! If your colleagues are telling you they would not take your class, then aren’t you missing something here? It’s called a point. It was amazing to sit and listen to her pontificate about what she was doing, when, in reality, if your colleagues don’t give a rat’s ass, and then do you think the students will? It is just nuckin’ futty to attempt to teach students everything you know. Teach them what they need to know, and then focus on one or two skills sets for the 11 week period. What makes this even more insane is that she was told that adult learners brains are not as malleable at a12 year. Of course your middle school students will get it, their brains are still developing. A 35 year old woman, forgive the bad English, “don’t want to be hearing about nothing she can’t put to use in her everyday life.” Why are you making people feel stupid for not getting it? Maybe she will get it when they escort her ass out the door.
I sigh in exasperation.
Let’s move on to the second case. I often, out of sheer curiosity, surf over to http://Blackmediascoop.com because truth is so much more nuckin’ futty than fiction. There is a lady that is in danger of dying because she refuses to cut her toenails. Again, I shall repeat, she refuses to cut her toenails which are preventing her from exercising as required to maintain healthy blood glucose levels. Here’s the irony, if you don’t get the exercise, as a diabetic, they will probably have to amputate your feet. There goes your damn toenails. Don’t believe me? Well check out the video. If you can’t see the video I have included some photos.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly; this is just nuckin’ futty.
Life is too short to be irrational.
- Meet the Woman Addicted to Her Toenails [Video] (jezebel.com)
- Nuckin Futs (languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu)
Over the past week I have been amazed, astounded and mesmerized by the sheer ignorance of my fellow-man. In the loss of one of the purest voices of our time, I listened, heard and watched many say some of the most inappropriate, if not stupid comments. I listened to commentary and watched live streaming feeds of adversarial anecdotes during the home going celebration. I read, or rather skimmed over blog posts that attempted to lay blame for the course of a life. I watched church people act ugly when deciding who was worthy to sit where in the church to pay their respects. There were so many who came to say goodbye to her, but in the end, when we leave this world, who will mourn us?
I watched many come to say farewell to a life that was lived on its own terms. We may not have agreed with the way she lived it, but who are we to question? The fame, achievement and notoriety she gained before the age of 25, most of us will never achieve in our lifetime. Yet, we can take one moment in a 25 year career, and focus on just that—while refusing the see the whole picture. I vividly remember the 80’s and am thankful to still be alive not to mention surviving my fashion choices. I was forgiven and I grew while moving on to the next phase.
There were phases in her life that we questioned her choices for choosing to hide in a chemically induced world, but there, no one was judging her choices. In that world there she experienced no pain. In that world, everyone and everything was love. In that world there was no responsibility and there she could sleep.
It is hard to imagine what life would be like if on Saturday night, I was in Anaheim, high on the adoration of a crown of 35,000 people. Then on Tuesday, doing the performance all over again in San Diego, Thursday back in Los Angeles and Friday in San Francisco and Saturday in Sacramento. There is no time in between gigs to come down off the performance high. There is no time to decompress. There is no time for sleep.
In the end, it is all they ever want. They want to sleep. The mind is a wondrous thing. It allows us to dream with our eyes open, we can dream with our eyes closed and we can learn to believe that anything is possible. However, if the mind is strained, the one thing it will not do, is allow us to sleep. I can smile and say that she and her voice are finally resting. I will miss the beauty of her voice, the grace of her presence and I want her to know that I will always love you….
- Here’s What Happened Inside Whitney Houston’s Funeral (businessinsider.com)
- Whitney Houston Funeral Live Stream: Watch, Mourn Now (thehollywoodgossip.com)
- Sleep issues revisited (drbobghelfi.com)
- How to Start Napping…and Why You Should (lifehack.org)
- Sleep Your Life Away (neurovantage.wordpress.com)