My neighbor, God bless his soul, sets his sprinkler to water every morning and night at seven. Yes, seven in the morning and seven in the evening the life giving sprays of rejuvenation are cascaded upon his lawn bringing forth green blades of lush beauty. His sprinkler sprays deep and wide casting more droplets of water on my side of the fence, which has resulted in one fourth of my yard being green. The rest of my lawn looks like a Frodo and Sam rested there on the way to the Lonely Mountain. I was just thinking that you know maybe I should do something about this situation. After fifteen minutes of my attempted quest for greener grass made me quickly realize, the grass is always greener on the other side for a reason. Here is the reason.
I went outside after working a twelve-hour day to hook the hose up the stationary sprinkler. Unfortunately, I found out that Hubby set the sprinkler to rotate, agitate and saturate at 180 degrees. I got the hose hooked up the sprinkler head and turned the water up. It began to rotate, spewing out life giving water. However, as it made its rotation, I saw it coming towards me and like a confused deer, I stood there wondering if it was going to stop. It didn’t. I was too tired to run so I stood there like a flipping idiot as I was blasted in the face by sprinkler Bukake.
Soaked, I turned off the water then moved the sprinkler head.
I didn’t stick it far enough into the ground this time. I found that out when I turned it back on. It came back around and got me in the face again.
I am starting to hate this sprinkler.
I move it once more, adjust the setting so that it doesn’t rotate one hundred and eighty degrees but only ninety. However, now, it is watering my neighbor’s yard. I felt like a tired Mom in K-Mart trying to get control of her bad ass kid. “Get your little butt back over here,” I was mumbled under my breath.
It’s not like his very verdant yard needs any of my precious water.
I move it again.
The heads are adjusted.
Now it is like a small child spitting up after getting off the roller coaster and not watering at all.
I move it again.
I bend down to turn the hose on and notice my left foot is covered in ants.
My pants leg is moving too.
Now I am standing on the front porch soaking wet, minus one shoe and my pants and wouldn’t you know it, my neighbor is standing there looking at me. Yes, I am on the front porch in my drawers and one shoe.
Mind your own damned business!
This is your fault anyway.
I will tell you that the grass is always greener on the other side for a reason. That reason is better planning and a better sprinkler system. I am sorry lawn, I don’t want you to die, but screw you and the ants which occupy you.