Really Bad Book Covers

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I have always been of the mindset that when I am rich and famous, I can put out book covers that are abstract and artistic.  Meanwhile, while I am poor and struggling to sell 3,000 copies a month, I have to make darn sure my covers are representative of the story inside.  If you already have a day job and you want to release books for I guess, the hell of it, you can use any cover you like.

For example, this beauty:cover1119-500x750

Cloverdale “Wandelen Boom”

Fourteen short horror stories about the people, places and things in Cloverdale, Montana the World’s strangest small town.

It was released December 1, 2014.

It is priced at $2.99

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,053,729 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

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This one frightens me.

The description reads: Bonny was suddenly wide awake.
With a catch of fear in her throat, she saw the same white shadow that had followed her in the graveyard begin to appear.
“Who are you?” she cried. “What do you want?” The dazzling white figure smiled, a narrow brilliant evil smile.
“You know what I’ve come for,” he said.
“You can’t escape me.”
When Bonny inadvertently finds the object which the stranger so desperately wants, she is drawn into a mysterious and terrifying struggle between the Dazzling Clown and the kindly Black Monk. Suddenly, the whole fate of Time and Eternity, good and evil, lies in the hands of Bonny Starr…

Say what?

I can’t.

 

Now I just quit.

61+8nQj2mCL._SX166_SY265_Storybook relationships are rarely what they appear to be.

Most of these seemingly perfect relationships are filled with lies, deceit, and a little bit of insanity, just like Mike and LiLi’s. Mike fell in love with abused, promiscuous LiLi when he was sixteen, and over a span of seven years (two of which he spent incarcerated), his world evolved into confusion, hurt, and betrayal. LiLi, his dream girl, is the exact opposite of what he thinks and Mike quickly finds out that he can never change who she really is.

Mike must face the devastating fact that LiLi isn’t his bitch, and his best friend since childhood, Dee, is right there to help him..or is he? Come on this turbulent ride with Mike, LiLi, and Dee to find out if LiLi is Mike’s bitch, Dee’s bitch…or EVERYBODY’S BITCH!!!

by Niki Jilvontae    4.1 out of 5 stars (166)  One Hunnned and sissysix reviews! (Using my home girl voice.)

 

And there is a book 2

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Volatile, deceptive, addictive, and manipulative are just a few terms that can be used to describe LiLi and Mike’s relationship.

After finding out his dream girl was not the devoted housewife he thought she was, Mike must face the world knowing that he has been living a lie. A series of unfortunate events will lead Mike to the truth; however, that truth will quickly turn out to be more than Mike’s mind can handle.

The saying, ‘What you don’t know can’t hurt you,’ is true in this case. Because when Mike finds out all LiLi has been hiding, he goes on a psychotic rampage with an anonymous stalker on the loose.

Will Mike finally find out who’s bitch LiLI really is? Or will the anonymous stalker end up making them all someone’s bitch?

by Niki Jilvontae       4.3 out of 5 stars (55)  Yep 55 reviews.

Evidently not, because there is a Book 3

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After finding out that his entire marriage was a lie, Mike has a mental break that opens the door for the anonymous stalker to step in.

Out of his mind with hurt, jealousy, and rage, Mike sets out to make LiLi and Dee feel all of the pain he’s felt.

However, he doesn’t know that the stalker has a deadly agenda of his own.

Now Mike must face the demon inside of him and the one threatening his family while trying to remain sane and keep his bitch.

Come on this drama filled, thrill ride and find out once and for all if LiLi is Mike’s Bitch, Dee’s Bitch, Everybody’s Bitch,…or NOBODY’S BITCH!

I opt for the latter, because I am all bitched out.

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