Month: June 2012

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Weight loss, Excuses and Why I am so Hungry.

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    Why do we do these things to ourselves? It never fails that when it comes down to our weight, we never really work to keep it under control. We eat things we shouldn’t. We feel guilty for eating it, and then we torture ourselves as we head back for seconds on something else that should avoid our faces. Here’s the rub, not the spicy one you like on your steaks, but it is now time to wear something nice, and it doesn’t fit. So what do you do; a crash diet.

    I went one worse, I went to see an Asian herbalist. Please, if you are drinking something, this is where you may need to put the cup down. I am going to make you cry.

    I walk in and he tells me I remember your face. He mispronounces my name and calls me “Charille.” I am okay, he is Asian. Then he asks me to weigh in. He gives me the tsk…tsk…and asks the hard question, “Charille, why do you think you are fat?” I start my litany of excuses while he is shaking his head. He then, very loudly tells me, “Charille, you are fat because you eat too much.” I balk. My eyebrows shoot up and he is still saying something to my face, because my ears had stopped listening at “you are fat because you eat too much.” He points to his temple, “Charille, you must change the way you think.” He then asks me to say it with him, “Say it Charille, I’m fat because I eat too much.”

    So there I am feeling like a dejected 12 year old talking to an Asian man, who is making me a concoction to make me poop out fat and I said it. “I am fat because I eat too much.” Three days into this weight loss excursion, I am so hungry. I am down five pounds, but I fit into my swimsuits and took out a few pairs of peddle pushers, that in 3 more days are going to fit nicely. I took out that dress, that five months ago, I looked as if I were five months pregnant. This roller coaster ride with my weight; it’s my fault, I know it is. I am here partly because I have been in a dark place for the past two years. I was eating my way through my grief.

    But the other part of doing this to myself, and you do it to yourself, because we are lazy. Now, I cannot eat except in three to six hour blocks. I am home all weekend so I am cleaning and doing little things around that house that I let get out of hand because I was usually watching a movie and eating something else to make my ass spread. My house is clean, the laundry is folded, dinner is prepared and I am so hungry.

    I am hydrated. My colon is being cleansed. I have lost some weight, but I must get back to something very critical to this conversation between us. I am fat because I eat too much. That is a powerful statement. So here I sit, with a very large container of water, nothing to snack on, and a minute with myself. There are no more excuses. I love my body, but would love it even more minus the extra pounds.

I have no more excuses.

I am hungry because I have been eating too much and I have to retrain my body to need fewer calories.

I am empowered to make some changes.

I am fat because I eat too much.

I have downloaded a hypnosis app to aid me on my quest.

I have no more excuses.

I am going on vacation and I will blog my way through my Central American vacation and keep you posted.

You know, I was just thinking that maybe you should step away from the snacks and join me on my quest to a healthier body.

That’s Pretty Fancy

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    I am headed out to vacation. I have gone to see the Asian herbalist so that I do not look beached when I put on my whale sized swimsuit. The plan has changed my timelines, so I have time on my hands waiting for my next feeding. I am so hungry I can barely function. I will not give up so I started to look at what I was taking on vacation.

    I decided early on that I was not going to buy a great number of clothing, but find a way to repurpose some items that I already have with some adjustments. That was the plan until I walked into Walmart and saw this simple beauty for $16. I know right, standard black dress, below the knee, perfect for a night out, but it is blah! Here’s the beauty of this dress and that room I have full of stuff. I have time, I have stuff, I also have this black dress. So with some iron on fancy dancies and some steam, here is the same dress.

I KNOW! I now have an After 6 dinner dress for less than $20.

Now I am looking through my closet what else do I have to make really cute.

Here is a blah skirt, in a lovely color and a plain white tee shirt picked up from Wallyworld for $4.97. I was still in my room looking for something, because I am hungry as hell and still have two hours to go before I can eat lunch.

I added some iron on appliques that I picked up from JoAnn’s. A little bit of ironing, and I have a matching ensemble. I know, really cute and just for pennies.

I am ready for Shuffle board on the Lido deck with Julie.

Maybe if I can continue this diet thing, I may actually get something done.