I admit it! I was excited! I could not wait to see Prometheus. I get my nachos, my Coke and take a seat. The fanfare begins on the screen and I am ready, and the movie begins. The Scottish countryside is regal and I am drawn into the story. Then something weird happens, the entire cast is hit with a case of dumbassness.
The story fast forwards two years to a very old Mr. Weylund, whom I can only assume is some relative of the Mr. Weylund in Alien vs Predator. The timeline is hinky. I am confused.
This story is the future, Alien vs Predator was in the present. The original Aliens movie was in the future. I don’t know what is going on. The computer graphics is cool, the concept is odd. These gigantic people are supposedly the creators of human kind. They also engineer these snakelike creatures as a weapon of mass destruction to do what, kill all the humans they created on Earth?
If you have not seen the movie, please stop reading here because I am about to spoil it for you.
So, Doctor Idiot Number One finds some cave drawings in Scotland. She shows Doctor Dumbass Number Two, who has gotten funding from Mr. Weylund to head into deep space to search for these “engineers” of mankind. They find them in a several space ships on a forlorn planet X Number of light years away. They go into the space ship and the air is breathable and they remove their helmets. What the hell is that about? You are an alien planet, in an alien spaceship that has been closed from circulating air for what, two thousand damned years?
They find video of these gigantic people running from something on one of the space ships. They find an alien head, and take it back to their ship to dissect it. The head explodes. Two members get separated from the rest of the crew (predictable). They find a stack of dead alien bodies and a room of black oil covering the floor. In the oil are little snake like things. Dumb Ass Number one decides to play with it. Big whoop, it attacks him, breaks his arm, climbs in his suit, then in his mouth. You see him three scenes later with his ass bent over his head like a backwards frog trying to get into the ship. Yes, they open the door to let him in, and he kills many of the crew. If these gigantic people are killed by these creatures, what do you plan to do puny humans?
This is just stupid. So many of the decision made in the movie are stupid; a big budget, over scripted, pile of stupid. Doctor Dumbass Number Two gets infected has a snake like thing in his eye, and he tells no one. You just had sex with Doctor Idiot Number One and you KNOW you have infected her. She is now pregnant with alien baby. Doctor Idiot Number Two’s body is taken over and he is turning into a monster. He is screaming and she wants to take him back onto the ship. I am with the Charlize Theron character, “he ain’t coming up in here!” Really? Really? What kind of screwed up logic is this? Hollywood, you need to do better.
I will not even start on Snow White and the Duntsman. I will not get started on the over acted dry melodrama of Sherlock Holmes. It is even sadder when the best movie of late has been The Avengers with the unlikely hero of the Hulk. I give up. I want to see a good movie with a real storyline.
Hollywood, it is time to do better.
- Top Ten Tuesday: Space Ships in Sci-Fi (geekittillithurts.wordpress.com)
- For Whom An Alien Heat Makes Festival, Part 4: ALIEN VS. PREDATOR and ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM (aaeblog.com)
- Travel back in time with these ‘Aliens’ (kansascity.com)
- Prometheus Captain’s Log (larrycorreia.wordpress.com)