Olivia Gaines Author

Afraid of Being Alone

Posted on December 11, 2011 Updated on December 12, 2011

As I was trolling through my Facebook feeds looking for something to make me chuckle, I saw a posting from a friend on being afraid to be alone. The posting was attached to a website on the fear of being alone. The questions posed was, are people staying in bad relationships out of fear of being alone? The article went on to say that people stay in bad relationships out of fear or obligation.

I am afraid I may need some help with this one. I did not understand this concept. I understand the concept of guilt. I understand the concept of obligation, but I cannot see staying in a relationship because of either.

Understandably, as a young adult there were unwise choices made for material or social status, but never out of fear of being alone. I have made some of my best decisions and biggest strides in life during times I was alone. This occurred because I simply did not have another to answer to and I could stay up late, spend countless hours on research and focus on making my dreams come true.

Now, this is where I become confused. True, the times in my life that I have been single have been of my choosing, but I was never one to feel as if I was no one if not with someone. How can a person justify loving another person if they cannot justify loving themselves enough to breathe? Breathing is what is required to have your own air space. I like my own airspace.

Moreover, I like who I am when I am alone. I also like who I am when I with someone who loves me, but these are not two separate people. My journey of discovery does not end with a bad relationship. Leaving a bad relationship should be the start of self-discovery of where you want to start to be better. Being alone is a time of fruition, a time of growth and time to understand what makes you tick. If we know these things about ourselves, then this is the person who is ripe to be shared with another soul.

The individual, who chooses to compromise their principles to be accepted, is a lost soul. You are not staying because of obligation; you are in fact staying because of lack of direction. This person that you have attached yourself to is now the person who gives you meaning because you have failed to find meaning in yourself. Does this also mean that the fear you are experiencing lives and breathes because you are afraid to go solo?

Unhook the oxygen tank; the air in the room is just fine. I can breath easy knowing that sometimes, the best conversations you can have, are the one you have with yourself.  In time when I have been alone,  I learned a new craft, new software or sharpened a skill set. I may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but I am an instrument that can stand alone.

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• Why Am I So Afraid of Being Alone? (psychologytoday.com)