You are riding down the highway and your cell phone starts to vibrate, you know it is a text message, however, you are going about 45 miles an hour in rush hour traffic. What do you? Do you reach down and grab the phone to see who is texting you or do you ignore it until you get to a stop sign? 95% of people will pick up the phone and “see who this is?” and risk every life on the road including their own, for what, a quick message of “Where u @?”
And as much as I love technology, I love living even more! It is not just a text messaging that has gotten out of control, but our inability to disengage from our cell phones that are turning normal everyday people into ignorant, raging morons. Don’t be offended, for if you are not the offender in this instance you have been at least once in the near past. Here are some prime examples of idiot phone offenses that are lowering our intelligence quotients and our ability to be kind to one another.
App Addlepate: Yes, this is person who has an app to perform every function they can possibly think of but fails to train them how to be a better person. Better people take a moment to appreciate the live person in front of you versus the virtual connection reaching out to you. Is there an APP to teach you life skills?
Bluetooth Blockhead: Yeah for you, you have a bluetooth, but honestly, do you have to walk up behind me, conversing with your imaginary friend with your outside voice? Having a bluetooth is great for hands free calling if you are on a long road trip, but really, your GPS comes bluetooth enabled, so once outside of the car, take the stupid thing off. You don’t look important, you look like someone who spends too much time on the phone and your extra money is being used to pay for unneeded cell services.
Conversation Cretin: I am trying to have a face to face, one on one conversation with you, please pay attention, I don’t need to have a conversation with the top of your head while you respond to frequent buzzing that appears to have your remotely programmed like Pavlov’s dog.
Dining Dimwit: I have a girlfriend that I refuse to go out to eat with and lately, I just hate to spend time with her. Why? Her phone never stops going off! Her husband, her kids, her father, all seem to have an incessant need to connect with her the minute she leaves their line of sight. One, it is rude and tells the person with whom you are with, that they are not important and unworthy of your time. Two, your family and kids have no respect for your time, and last but not least, it is just plain rude.
Dialing Dunderhead: How many times do you need to apologize for your butt, your purse, your dog or the 3-year-old speed calling on your phone because you refuse to lock the screen.
Facebook Fanatic: Yes I love my friends and enjoy their post, but no I am not going to respond to every posting on my wall, every request to add more fish on Farmville, join your Mafia, or accept your hearts of blessings. Do it at home on your own time.
Fast Food Fool: At the counter at the sandwich shop, on the phone, trying to place an order, talking to the young lady behind the counter, while yelling at your spouse, child or in law on the phone. Why not just finish the call, place your order, pay for the order, pick up the order and call the person on the phone as you head back outside.
Instant Message Imbecile: Yes, I know you need an answer soon, but does it have to be right now? You are reducing my productivity by forcing me to stop and answer you. If I did not answer your last 5 instant messages, maybe I am busy. Maybe I fell down the well and Lassie went to get Timmy, and maybe I just don’t want to answer you.
Loud Lamebrain: I know you are upset, I know they don’t understand, but really, neither do I. I don’t understand why everyone in the room, the hall, the bathroom, the restaurant and any other public place has to be tortured with your conversation and lack of mastery of your emotions? Tone it down and shut it up!
Meeting Moron: You are in a meeting, why is your phone on unless the conference call is coming in on your line and everyone in the room should be privy to the conversation. If not, please turn off your phone, my time is valuable too, don’t waste it by sending messages to your friends.
Picture Pinhead: You do realize that even if you don’t open it, you will still be charged for receiving the picture of the dancing penis that was not funny when you were 12 and is not funny now. If you are in an accident and I am your insurance agent, send me a picture mail. If not, send it via email that does not cost me anything, and 9 times out of 10, I don’t really want to see it.
Sync Simpleton: How many times of day do you need to sync it to your lap top? You don’t need to beam me your V-card, I have your business card and a card scanner, I have your info. I know how to reach you, besides your text messages has ALL of your contact info, just like your email.
Tunes Twit:. I have one friend that I like to call every day just to see which song will be playing today. How many ringtones do you really need, and why do I have to listen to “Single Ladies”, or “Blessed” or any other subjugation of your musical choices simply because I need to call you? You are an adult, your phone should ring, if you are available answer it, if not let it go to voice mail.
Twitter Twerp: Really, do we need a play by-play of your day? Enough said.
Voicemail Victim: I don’t really want to leave a message, but if I do, will you please take the time to listen to what I have to say, before you call me back to say “I saw you called.” Yes, I called. I left you a message telling you what I wanted, listen to it and call me back with an answer.
I know technology is a wonderful thing, but please, stop allowing your smart phone to make you an idiot. Remember the simple manners your mother taught you and put those into play. Now if you will excuse me, I need to send out some hearts, blessings, rob a pimp and steal a car as I build my mafia connection, and build my new life in YoVille.
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